I Choose You

I choose a lover who professes their love with whatever form suits their soul.

I choose a lover who doesn’t hold their tongue, no matter what the message is.

I choose a lover who soothes my soul with just one touch.

I choose a lover who knows what they want and finds it in me.

I choose a lover who awakens from a nights sleep giddy over my fresh face and new day.

I choose a lover who knows how to play and embraces their inner child.

I choose a lover who has been through hell so as to recognize and appreciate fucking fantastic when it arrives.

I choose a lover that embodies mind, body and spirit in their chaotic life.

I choose a lover whose faith is steadfast and heart is forthright.

I choose a lover whose flame never dwindles but only grows stronger.

I choose a lover who knows who I am and what I dream of at my core.

I choose a lover who will swim in my pool of vulnerability and not be weary of the deep end.

I choose a lover who wears passion just as unabashedly as his favorite, worn-in t-shirt.

I choose a lover who marvels at the tiniest wonders with me.

I choose a lover who believes our connection is the greatest gift in life.

I choose a lover who never looks back but braves each storm together.

I choose a lover whose words touch my heart and awaken my soul.

I choose a lover whose lips melt into mine taking me to another time and space.

I choose a lover who will dig deep trenches inside my heart and fill it with a love so passionate and raw that every open crack is patched.

I choose a lover that doesn’t choose me by default, but fights to choose me.

I choose a lover who understands I’m not a property that can be owned, remodeled or upgraded.

I choose a lover who allows freedom for our individual foundations to be laid with solid intentions.

I choose a lover who feels deeply, loves irrationally and lives wholeheartedly.

I choose a lover who views kindness as an obligation, not a choice.

I choose a lover who has an unwavering sense of faith, purpose and light.

I choose a lover who believes this world is inherently good, that it is souls like us who serve as a gripping reminder.

I choose a lover that chooses me first, that would choose me even if I didn’t choose him.

I choose a lover that sits beside me at the end of the day simply because where I am is home.

I choose a lover who lights up the room with insidious love, laughter and kindness.

I choose a lover who will show me why it never worked before.

I choose a lover whose laugh ignites my very soul, whose voice feels like a familiar calling, whose kiss feels like the one I’ve waited my whole life for.

I choose a lover who teaches me everything I think I know about love and everything I have yet to learn.

I choose a lover whose idea of adventure is choosing an ice cream flavor along with combing the rainforest.

I choose a lover who thinks each new day is a chance to write a new story, one that is better than the last.

I choose a lover who has the utmost sense of who he is at the soul level.

This is who I choose. I choose you, over and over, on any day, under any roof, amidst every starry night. I choose you.

And I will keep choosing you until our souls part.

I Am...

You are light.You are love. You are whole.

Know that you are perfect in this moment. Your past, your childhood conditioning, your relationships or your job do not define you.

You are a divine being of Light and you are Love at the very core. When you connect to the true nature of your soul, you will simply radiate from the inside out. You will become a beacon of hope and healing to all those you encounter. This is who you are.

So drop the dead weight and baggage you carry from your past, because you deserve to feel light and love.

Imagine a word you want to embrace and embody, then create a mantra around that word. My mantra today and every day is: I am light. I am love. I am whole.

My life coach, Sky Blossoms, advises in her book, Best Thing Ever, to write your chosen mantra or word on your mirror, at your desk or in your car (or all three), and leave it there for 30 days. Repeat it daily to yourself.

Notice the changes in you after the month closes; see the difference you feel in your mind, body and spirit. When we decide something and allow it to pervade our being, something shifts in our body. Our body responds to whatever is in our mind. So choose to believe and repeat empowering words to yourself often.

Our mind comes up with enough negative jibber jabber on a daily basis; counter some of that with positive reinforcement in your thoughts and words. Your mind will catch on and your body will follow suit in beyond measurable ways. Try it and see just how much of a difference this will make in your life.

Forget Tinder—I’m Dating Myself

I am a wonderful, kind, deep, purposeful, whole, multi-dimensional individual. And I recently made a mindful choice not to beat around the dating bush. The woman I have evolved into only wants to date someone who touches my soul. Until I find someone who is worth my precious time, I wholeheartedly choose to date myself. You see, I am a bonafide Libra; I live for love, literally, and this typecast has enticed me to spend a lot of energy on finding my soul mate, match, twin flame or whatever name you want to call the person who sets your soul on fire.

All of this searching, dating, serial monogamy and disastrous endings have me right where I started—alone. Trust me when I say the Universe and I are simpatico (we’re buddies). I have written “the list,” said my prayers, envisioned the ideal person and taken the faith-oriented steps to meet the person I thought would make life complete.

I have done the long-term relationships. I have been engaged. I learned about myself through others, and I have spent oodles of hours on self-work, self-love and self-care.

I learned you need to love yourself first (after falling into the codependency trap). I learned you must be the partner you seek, rather than simply keeping a laundry list of your ideal partner’s attributes, virtues and values in your back pocket. I learned like attracts like, and you’ll invite exactly what your vibe attracts into your life. I learned every relationship is a mirror, shining your lessons, shortcomings and darkness onto you.

I am working toward my highest vibration, my best self that will match and align with the kind of person who meets me on a new plane of love. I have dreamt of that love, written of that love and removed the self-imposed barriers to that love. I have experienced flickers of that love only to find the light burn out.

So, I am left not with desperation but eagerness to meet the one I will undoubtedly attract by my virtuous intentions. I have received signs and confirmations from the Universe that I will one day reach that love. But switch on my recovering-perfectionist, Libra-self who craves certainty and control, I am wondering where, how and when I will meet my soul mate with enough anticipation to make my stomach do jumping jacks.

Skip over to my Sagittarius heart, the one I’ve grown to love after a year-long exploration to repair and restore the weariness that is endured after multiple, broken hearts and potential love lost. The heart that never felt whole and sought completion in the shape of a romantic partnership. This now whole heart is as vibrant as she’s ever been, and for the first time ever, I am in love with myself—fully, endlessly, undeniably in love.

My once desperate, lonely self is recognizing the absolute gift of my own company and time spent doing the activities that bring me lasting joy.

I have always loved my own company, be it burying myself in books, hiking, cycling, taking on new art projects or volunteering. I have found, at the heart of it, I am actually a wild, independent spirit.

But at the end of those days filled to the brim, I never felt enough love in own heart because I never knew how to really love myself. I found my activities brought me happiness in the moment, but were ultimately distractions and a way to pass time until I met someone. And that less-than-whole heart was attracting (you guessed it) less than whole partners.

If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be chasing after people who don’t love you either.

—Mandy Hale

Hop and skip to the present day where I have found a sense of peace in my single hood; at the end of my days I am simply grateful for what I do have and who is in my life. I focus on what my life is instead of what it isn’t. I believe unless you are grateful for what is, you will not open up the Universal flow to what can be with a grateful heart.

And really, once you stop searching for the “seemingly perfect” person, you will be hit with a wave of new energy that was formerly comprised by too much time on Tinder or Match. You’ll quit dreaming about how much better life will be as a Mr. or Mrs. while trying to be the person you think will be a perfect match for your latest crush.

You will be free to be your authentic self (or to determine who that really is). You will practice self care with long bubble baths or sunset walks, partake in your passions or embark on a curious flight to find your passions. You will fall in love with love and yourself all over again (or maybe for the first time).

The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you YOU love, well, that’s just fabulous.

—Sarah Jessica Parker, Sex and the City

And one day, when you least expect it, when you are living a life that is enough for total and lasting happiness, that is when you’ll be graced by a heart who may just choose to walk this life with you, as long as you choose them, too.

But, please do yourself a huge favor, and learn to be in your best relationship yet—one with the fabulous, one-of-a-kind you.

Choose to be happy.

Choose to love yourself.

Choose to be the partner you seek—one that is kind, compassionate and purpose-driven.

Choose to accept what is right now and understand it is enough. You are enough.

Choose to find joy in the ordinary, everyday or unexpected occurrences.

Choose to create a life you love, not because you want someone else to love you, but because you love you.

Choose to make life a meandering journey while taking these steps on your own.

Choose to never compare yourself to anyone else’s idea of happiness or success.

Choose to never compromise your authentic self to please another or gain acceptance.

Choose to believe there is a soul who will see the depths of your heart and love every piece of you, light and dark.

Choose to drop the media’s perception of what your fairy tale should look like and boldly create your own masterpiece free of prejudice or judgement.

Choose to let go of your search in favor of faith in the Universe’s law of attraction.

I leave you with these words to stir up excitement and contemplation in your heart:

For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

―Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Screenplay

Courage to Be Myself

One doesn’t often dig into the meaning of a word, the essence behind it, or the root of the word itself. Brené Brown does this like a champ in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection. One word’s meaning stuck out to me more than others, a word that defines my journey to an open heart: courage. The root of the word courage is in fact heart (cor). Brené defines courage as the ability to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart. This might have been the single most vulnerable action in my journey as it was what I most struggled with in my downfall.

My heart was shrunken and shriveled, unable to reveal the truth it held deep in its shadowy depth. I needed courage like I needed air. It was every bit as vital as the breath I took to survive. Yet, when I reached down to sit with my heart and the truth it carried, I was frozen with fear.

Instead of courageously speaking my mind by revealing the truth in my heart, I gave into fear and stayed silent. The repercussions, it turns out, for stifling your essence and what you know in your heart to be true, is steep and as sharp as lies.

Although I attempted to be honest with myself, I shivered at the thought of allowing anyone else to hear the truth. Courage requires vulnerability (another of Brene’s choice words), a powerful act that most people deny themselves of. Allowing myself to be deeply seen and known by revealing my deepest fears and desires was my key to my open heart.

I understood that by owning my truth and setting it free, my life would certainly be flipped upside down, unrecognizable even to me. I had nothing left to lose, because had I not chosen courage and stepped out to forge my own path, I would have become a lifeless extension of someone else’s dream.

When the next step seemed crippling and petrifying, I found that choosing someone I trust to remain accountable with was critical to moving forward. My sister, also known as my “courage companion,” helped lure the buried pieces of my shattered heart by offering me a safe place to unleash the ticking time bomb in my mind.

Those shards reflected what I needed desperately to be heard. I unconsciously let out a statement that I had held captive for far too long. I began to feel empowered and realized through this process how badly I needed to release the grip I held onto the status quo.

It takes an enormous amount of surrender. It takes letting go of the life you held together like pieces that never seemed to fit quite right. It takes letting go of the life you live so you can live the life you imagine.

Allowing my most vulnerable self to be seen was my ticket to begin a new journey, one soaked in authenticity and soul. Had I not chosen courage and slipped further into a half-lived life, I could not have received the imminent blessings awaiting. I couldn’t have opened my heart to reveal the shining light of my soul. I owe everything to courage.

What stands on the other side of your truth is a multitude of freedom in your heart, soul and body. Whatever it takes to cross over is undeniably worth it. Whatever pain, life changes, paralysis, confusion and darkness will eventually be set on fire with the light of living authentically in your own truth.

Before we can let the light in, we have to let go of the darkness.