I am a wonderful, kind, deep, purposeful, whole, multi-dimensional individual. And I recently made a mindful choice not to beat around the dating bush. The woman I have evolved into only wants to date someone who touches my soul. Until I find someone who is worth my precious time, I wholeheartedly choose to date myself. You see, I am a bonafide Libra; I live for love, literally, and this typecast has enticed me to spend a lot of energy on finding my soul mate, match, twin flame or whatever name you want to call the person who sets your soul on fire.
All of this searching, dating, serial monogamy and disastrous endings have me right where I started—alone. Trust me when I say the Universe and I are simpatico (we’re buddies). I have written “the list,” said my prayers, envisioned the ideal person and taken the faith-oriented steps to meet the person I thought would make life complete.
I have done the long-term relationships. I have been engaged. I learned about myself through others, and I have spent oodles of hours on self-work, self-love and self-care.
I learned you need to love yourself first (after falling into the codependency trap). I learned you must be the partner you seek, rather than simply keeping a laundry list of your ideal partner’s attributes, virtues and values in your back pocket. I learned like attracts like, and you’ll invite exactly what your vibe attracts into your life. I learned every relationship is a mirror, shining your lessons, shortcomings and darkness onto you.
I am working toward my highest vibration, my best self that will match and align with the kind of person who meets me on a new plane of love. I have dreamt of that love, written of that love and removed the self-imposed barriers to that love. I have experienced flickers of that love only to find the light burn out.
So, I am left not with desperation but eagerness to meet the one I will undoubtedly attract by my virtuous intentions. I have received signs and confirmations from the Universe that I will one day reach that love. But switch on my recovering-perfectionist, Libra-self who craves certainty and control, I am wondering where, how and when I will meet my soul mate with enough anticipation to make my stomach do jumping jacks.
Skip over to my Sagittarius heart, the one I’ve grown to love after a year-long exploration to repair and restore the weariness that is endured after multiple, broken hearts and potential love lost. The heart that never felt whole and sought completion in the shape of a romantic partnership. This now whole heart is as vibrant as she’s ever been, and for the first time ever, I am in love with myself—fully, endlessly, undeniably in love.
My once desperate, lonely self is recognizing the absolute gift of my own company and time spent doing the activities that bring me lasting joy.
I have always loved my own company, be it burying myself in books, hiking, cycling, taking on new art projects or volunteering. I have found, at the heart of it, I am actually a wild, independent spirit.
But at the end of those days filled to the brim, I never felt enough love in own heart because I never knew how to really love myself. I found my activities brought me happiness in the moment, but were ultimately distractions and a way to pass time until I met someone. And that less-than-whole heart was attracting (you guessed it) less than whole partners.
If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be chasing after people who don’t love you either.
—Mandy Hale
Hop and skip to the present day where I have found a sense of peace in my single hood; at the end of my days I am simply grateful for what I do have and who is in my life. I focus on what my life is instead of what it isn’t. I believe unless you are grateful for what is, you will not open up the Universal flow to what can be with a grateful heart.
And really, once you stop searching for the “seemingly perfect” person, you will be hit with a wave of new energy that was formerly comprised by too much time on Tinder or Match. You’ll quit dreaming about how much better life will be as a Mr. or Mrs. while trying to be the person you think will be a perfect match for your latest crush.
You will be free to be your authentic self (or to determine who that really is). You will practice self care with long bubble baths or sunset walks, partake in your passions or embark on a curious flight to find your passions. You will fall in love with love and yourself all over again (or maybe for the first time).
The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you YOU love, well, that’s just fabulous.
—Sarah Jessica Parker, Sex and the City
And one day, when you least expect it, when you are living a life that is enough for total and lasting happiness, that is when you’ll be graced by a heart who may just choose to walk this life with you, as long as you choose them, too.
But, please do yourself a huge favor, and learn to be in your best relationship yet—one with the fabulous, one-of-a-kind you.
Choose to be happy.
Choose to love yourself.
Choose to be the partner you seek—one that is kind, compassionate and purpose-driven.
Choose to accept what is right now and understand it is enough. You are enough.
Choose to find joy in the ordinary, everyday or unexpected occurrences.
Choose to create a life you love, not because you want someone else to love you, but because you love you.
Choose to make life a meandering journey while taking these steps on your own.
Choose to never compare yourself to anyone else’s idea of happiness or success.
Choose to never compromise your authentic self to please another or gain acceptance.
Choose to believe there is a soul who will see the depths of your heart and love every piece of you, light and dark.
Choose to drop the media’s perception of what your fairy tale should look like and boldly create your own masterpiece free of prejudice or judgement.
Choose to let go of your search in favor of faith in the Universe’s law of attraction.
I leave you with these words to stir up excitement and contemplation in your heart:
For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.
―Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Screenplay