Seeds of Intention

My chosen word of the year is sprout. I have the intention to grow and evolve using the foundation I set the past year. With only a few months into 2016, I have noticed the incredible impact my word has already made. I began a new practice every night, at the suggestion of my wise friend, Sharri, to review the positive intentions that I set forth throughout the day. And to carry out my word of 2015, gratitude, I begin each day with all that I am grateful for. This sets the most wonderful tone that keeps me in a place of love all day. I find just how much my intentions change when I am steeped in gratitude.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.

- Melody Beattie

While I am about to drift off to sleep, with my phone set aside, I list the intentions I carried out in love that day. Rather than focusing on my usual fear and anxiety-ridden worries or what I didn't get done, I shift my mind to what I did do that day—accomplishments, acts of kindness, loving gestures, goals met—and revel in the feeling of satisfaction of the beautiful intentions I set out into the world.

I think of this practice as the intention-counting version of the old adage of counting sheep. It fills my soul with feelings of being good enough, loving enough and being just plain enough. This sends gratitude out into the Universe for the loving intentions I was able to reach.

Intentions are an order form to the universe.

- Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

The way this practice has changed my life already is unfathomable; I used to stay awake burdened by feelings of inadequacy and every negative thought possible swirling around in my already-full mind. I now fall asleep knowing that I did the best I could today, and really that's all we ever can do: our best.

Yes, you probably didn't make that phone call to your grandmother, pick up the dry cleaning, spend enough time with your kids (or fur baby) or be nice enough to your nagging co-worker, but does any of that truly matter in the moments before you rest? All that matters is that you showed up today and you did your best. When you look to the positive, you choose to not only keep your outlook positive, but your body will also respond to that positivity too.

If you're like me and love to set high standards and constantly work toward higher awareness and self-improvement, these little reviews at the end of your day are a good indicator of whether you're in a heart space or living in fear. Because we all live busy and fast-paced lives, sometimes it is difficult to really set your intentions on a better path day to day. So, my trick is to set intentions and goals at the beginning of the lunar cycle (or the first of the month if that works for you).

When the New Moon is upon us, there is a heightened energy gateway for new beginnings; this is the perfect time to think back to how you felt in the passing weeks and how you may want to shift your attitude, behaviors or mindset. Write down your new intentions or simply sit under the dark sky and think them over. By the time the Full Moon has arrived, your intentions will come with it. Full Moons bring the manifestations we set forward into the Universe. Using this practice, I have seen miracles play out in my life around the time the Full Moon shines its majestic beauty down on Earth.

In order to grow, the seeds of love must be firmly planted in YOUR heart.

- Peacefulmind.com

So as the darkness fills your bedroom tonight, under the New Moon, or under any moon, what did you do today that you feel proud of? Smile at a stranger? Hug your children extra long? Reach your new fitness or health goal? Eat a salad when you really wanted fries? Sit and relax to still your busy mind? Nearly anything you attempted today can fit into this list. If it brings a smile of satisfaction to your heart, then by all means remember how that made you feel. And sleep tight knowing you are always enough.

Just Do You

If you do you and keep your basket full, you are bound to upset some people who want your time and attention. Do you want to give them your half-assed, spread-too-thin self or be sure you’re taking care of yourself first? Because the latter will allow you to show up with a healthier, more loving perspective and attitude. I promise you will upset, piss off or annoy certain people either way; you might as well take the time to make yourself happy first.

You may even inspire those less-than-pleased people to fill up their cup, too. If we all had fuller baskets, don’t you think we’d react with more patience, kindness, and understanding?

Wouldn’t we notice less what other people aren’t doing because we are too busy making sure we show up with our best self?

Some people will call you selfish, but you’ll know deep down they mean selfless. Every kind and genuine person on this Earth does a great amount of work to remain loving and caring.

Self-righteous, angry, mean-spirited behavior is the easy way out. It takes zero effort to be an asshole (if you’re already an asshole). And if something’s got you down-low, attempt to understand why you are acting that way by treating yourself with kindness and compassion first.

The world needs more kind people but you need to show up for numero uno. So, slow down before you show up. I find the quietest time is when I stir up more ways to be kind. It is also in those moments that I see why I haven’t been my best, kindest self—it is almost always because I am not doing enough for myself to maintain my full basket.

Doing too many deeds for others is a wonderful ambition, but it helps no one if you are depleting yourself to do it.

Choose to fill up your cup first, dammit.

What do you need to feel like your best self on a daily basis?

Forget Tinder—I’m Dating Myself

I am a wonderful, kind, deep, purposeful, whole, multi-dimensional individual. And I recently made a mindful choice not to beat around the dating bush. The woman I have evolved into only wants to date someone who touches my soul. Until I find someone who is worth my precious time, I wholeheartedly choose to date myself. You see, I am a bonafide Libra; I live for love, literally, and this typecast has enticed me to spend a lot of energy on finding my soul mate, match, twin flame or whatever name you want to call the person who sets your soul on fire.

All of this searching, dating, serial monogamy and disastrous endings have me right where I started—alone. Trust me when I say the Universe and I are simpatico (we’re buddies). I have written “the list,” said my prayers, envisioned the ideal person and taken the faith-oriented steps to meet the person I thought would make life complete.

I have done the long-term relationships. I have been engaged. I learned about myself through others, and I have spent oodles of hours on self-work, self-love and self-care.

I learned you need to love yourself first (after falling into the codependency trap). I learned you must be the partner you seek, rather than simply keeping a laundry list of your ideal partner’s attributes, virtues and values in your back pocket. I learned like attracts like, and you’ll invite exactly what your vibe attracts into your life. I learned every relationship is a mirror, shining your lessons, shortcomings and darkness onto you.

I am working toward my highest vibration, my best self that will match and align with the kind of person who meets me on a new plane of love. I have dreamt of that love, written of that love and removed the self-imposed barriers to that love. I have experienced flickers of that love only to find the light burn out.

So, I am left not with desperation but eagerness to meet the one I will undoubtedly attract by my virtuous intentions. I have received signs and confirmations from the Universe that I will one day reach that love. But switch on my recovering-perfectionist, Libra-self who craves certainty and control, I am wondering where, how and when I will meet my soul mate with enough anticipation to make my stomach do jumping jacks.

Skip over to my Sagittarius heart, the one I’ve grown to love after a year-long exploration to repair and restore the weariness that is endured after multiple, broken hearts and potential love lost. The heart that never felt whole and sought completion in the shape of a romantic partnership. This now whole heart is as vibrant as she’s ever been, and for the first time ever, I am in love with myself—fully, endlessly, undeniably in love.

My once desperate, lonely self is recognizing the absolute gift of my own company and time spent doing the activities that bring me lasting joy.

I have always loved my own company, be it burying myself in books, hiking, cycling, taking on new art projects or volunteering. I have found, at the heart of it, I am actually a wild, independent spirit.

But at the end of those days filled to the brim, I never felt enough love in own heart because I never knew how to really love myself. I found my activities brought me happiness in the moment, but were ultimately distractions and a way to pass time until I met someone. And that less-than-whole heart was attracting (you guessed it) less than whole partners.

If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be chasing after people who don’t love you either.

—Mandy Hale

Hop and skip to the present day where I have found a sense of peace in my single hood; at the end of my days I am simply grateful for what I do have and who is in my life. I focus on what my life is instead of what it isn’t. I believe unless you are grateful for what is, you will not open up the Universal flow to what can be with a grateful heart.

And really, once you stop searching for the “seemingly perfect” person, you will be hit with a wave of new energy that was formerly comprised by too much time on Tinder or Match. You’ll quit dreaming about how much better life will be as a Mr. or Mrs. while trying to be the person you think will be a perfect match for your latest crush.

You will be free to be your authentic self (or to determine who that really is). You will practice self care with long bubble baths or sunset walks, partake in your passions or embark on a curious flight to find your passions. You will fall in love with love and yourself all over again (or maybe for the first time).

The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you YOU love, well, that’s just fabulous.

—Sarah Jessica Parker, Sex and the City

And one day, when you least expect it, when you are living a life that is enough for total and lasting happiness, that is when you’ll be graced by a heart who may just choose to walk this life with you, as long as you choose them, too.

But, please do yourself a huge favor, and learn to be in your best relationship yet—one with the fabulous, one-of-a-kind you.

Choose to be happy.

Choose to love yourself.

Choose to be the partner you seek—one that is kind, compassionate and purpose-driven.

Choose to accept what is right now and understand it is enough. You are enough.

Choose to find joy in the ordinary, everyday or unexpected occurrences.

Choose to create a life you love, not because you want someone else to love you, but because you love you.

Choose to make life a meandering journey while taking these steps on your own.

Choose to never compare yourself to anyone else’s idea of happiness or success.

Choose to never compromise your authentic self to please another or gain acceptance.

Choose to believe there is a soul who will see the depths of your heart and love every piece of you, light and dark.

Choose to drop the media’s perception of what your fairy tale should look like and boldly create your own masterpiece free of prejudice or judgement.

Choose to let go of your search in favor of faith in the Universe’s law of attraction.

I leave you with these words to stir up excitement and contemplation in your heart:

For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

―Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Screenplay

To Love With a Whole Heart

On my journey to repair my broken heart, I discovered that in feeling the depth of my pain, I actually feel more whole than ever before. And my whole heart is ready to love on a new plane, one that understands love as if I am love. That’s what I am when fear is stripped away. That’s why I am here. And so coming to this place of love, for myself and for everyone in my life (including those I felt betrayed by), I find myself wanting to go to that place where love thrives. I want to escape the mundane grind of everyday life and create one that is riddled with love: friendly love, sibling love, platonic love, romantic love and unconditional love.

As a society, we are wired to search for love—to complete a part of us that we feel is lacking by plucking an elusive partner (as if we truly know what’s best for us). You decide that this stranger will somehow make your life better by filling up some space inside your heart that feels incomplete.

And so as the law of attraction states, you will also attract someone who is looking for a partner to complete them. I’m not a math whiz by any means, but I know that two halves make a whole. The problem with this is: once you remove one half, you cannot be whole. You are very simply putting yourself in a vulnerable situation in which you rely on another person to feel whole. Not only is this absolutely dangerous for your wellbeing, but it is just as treacherous for the other half of your equation. The immense pressure you’ve just set each other up for is not only unhealthy, but unsustainable too.

I have been the co-dependent girl who searched for love outside myself to feel whole. I know the very empty place it leaves you in when someone cannot live up to the absolutely impossible job you’ve signed them up for. An even worse predicament arises when your other half needs to feel whole too. You gather what you can from your already depleted reserve, but you cannot give what you do not already possess.

So after two failed relationships in a row, I decided to get wiser. My whole world simply cannot crumble if my partner doesn’t take so much of it with them. I knew if I were to succeed in love, I had to look inward. I could spend my life in denial and blame others for my heartbreak or I could get busy uncovering the void in my heart that attributed to my relationship demise.

I would choose to love myself first. I would feel the immense pain in my heart and I would use that as fuel for my self discovery. If we search for love to fill a void in our own lives, we most certainly don’t love ourselves fully and we cannot embrace (or find) the love that lingers in our own heart.

I decided to create a sense of wholeness, one that would render me independent, self sufficient and wildly in love with my life and myself. Rumi reminds me time and time again that “Your task is not to seek love but to find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."

Self love or lack thereof was my biggest hurdle. I couldn’t find the place of peace in my own heart that would sustain me. I wouldn’t accept my own life circumstances and feel gratitude for what I do have. So I went to find peace outside myself and that always managed to be from relationships. Placing myself in their life always seemed better than what I was dealing with. But after living a life that didn’t feel authentic, attempting to love with less than a whole heart while lifting them up inside, and feeling lost at the end, I knew I had it all wrong. And two wrong, less than whole people don’t make a right (and never will).

Fast forward one year of being single and learning to love myself and others unconditionally. And let me tell you a secret. You do not need to be in a relationship to do this. I would actually urge you not to be in a relationship at this time. You will most certainly attract the same kind of less than whole people while in this phase of your progression. And unless you feel strongly that the universe has delivered this person to you in order to hammer the lesson into your brain further (and you might very well need another dose of reality), do not invest your time in a relationship right now.

Love yourself during this time. Look into the shadows of your soul to find why you have a less than loving perspective of yourself. Friends and family are a beautiful blessing to your during this time. They are also a reflection of the love you are radiating currently and will reflect any less than loving feelings that may arise. If we cannot love our close friends or family unconditionally, then odds are we won’t be able to love anyone else to that degree either.

Go back to the drawing board every time your inclination is to judge or show any behavior that is less than loving toward yourself or your loved ones. It is here that you can learn to reconstruct your programmed mind that keeps you safe from perceived dangers, protects your heart and tells you what is right or wrong in any case. You can only place right or wrong on your own journey based on how loving you feel in that moment. We cannot place any semblance of right or wrong on others; they’re fighting their own inner battle, so you must continue to show up with love.

Ego will fight against this loving sentiment and place fear where love should be (especially if someone is showing you less than loving intentions). Know that it isn’t personal; showing someone less than love by reacting negatively only hurts you.

When you are love, you recognize love and see no barriers to it. You can fall in love in one day. You can let your deepest, most vulnerable self be seen and touched by another. And you can give up your search for love, because you are love. And the love you are will undoubtedly attract that same love in another.

If you are whole and you are love, then your partner will be whole and will be love. Together two whole hearts will create a love that illuminates every part of your world. You will grow and be tested in unforeseen ways. You will feel like your best self where your soul continues to shine. You won’t need or require the love of another, yet you’ll be lucky enough to have it when you lose sight of the love in your own heart. They will see your resilient spirit. And they will never let you forget where you’ve been or where you’re going with an open and loving heart.

Together, the unity and vision you create will set you on a journey where you alone may not reach. You will give the ultimate gift of unconditional love and finally surrender to receive this gift in return. You will never take for granted the way this one makes you feel. And it will be your pleasure to remind them every day of the pristine heart they truly are.