Discernment is a tool in our spiritual arsenal – one the Holy Spirit gifts to us. It guides us to the will of God, which is to say the best possible outcome for us.
True discernment is impossible without divine power. We need the true Discerner — the Holy Spirit — to lead us into all truth
The discernment process
Seeking God’s will in our decisions requires us to be in discernment, a gift that God gives us to consider our options, and determine what is best, according to our values, goals, dreams and purpose in God’s kingdom. There are many approaches to discernment, but there’s only one source that helps us with discernment. And that is the Holy Spirit—God’s power working in us to equip us in everyday life.
Discernment is itself an art form, and it takes time in prayerful deliberation and consistent practice to hone this skill.
Discernment is more than a pragmatically effective way of making choices. It is rather a framework which enables us to join in partnership with God in making choices which will help to bring about the fulfillment of God’s generous hopes and desires for the world and for us.
~David Lonsdale
The approach to discernment that I tend to use is to get to the bottom line: I dig deep for my intention to gain clarity in my decision process. When I know what my intention is, I can usually narrow down my decision from there. And then I make sure it also aligns with my values, morals and goals.
I have made some of my toughest decisions using discernment and I do not attempt to make any big desisions without it—trusting the Holy Spirit equips me in this vital decision-making process.
Fear factor
Unfortunately, fear remains a factor during the discernment process. Fear rears its loud ringing bells, even more so once we get close to making a decision. Fear’s job is to protect us from any risks that would potentially affect or endanger our safety and security.
When it comes to fear, we have to make our decision despite the fear. We can gain enough courage to face the lion in the room, and make a move anyway. If the risk is truly not life-threatening, then we can know fear is an illusion that would like to keep us safely tucked in comfort and security, all while avoiding any potential risk in the unknown.
The Magic Sauce
Now that we know fear is not going away, here’s what I know from my experience making tough decisions. Below is what to carefully weigh and consider when making a decision (especially big decisions):
Your value system
The cost—to your purpose, your well-being and those you love
The long-term effects
The consequences – both immediate and long-term
If it’s within the will of God (if you don’t know, pray about it)
Virtues: wisdom, courage, justice, and self-discipline
Your priorities at the time
Does your decision help you reach your desired outcome or hinder your progress?
Does this decision lead to what you actually want (in line with God’s desires for us)
Are you are willing to accept the status quo? (ie. if things don’t change, will I be able to accept that)
Accept then decide
We want to work with reality, not against it, so it is imperative to decipher between what is within our control and what is not. It is incredibly helpful than to move toward acceptance within the realm of what’s outside of our control.
Once we have gained acceptance, or are moving toward it, we are much more equipped to work within the realm of reality, that’s what is actually within our control. There in lies the power of our decisions.
When we use God’s power to make a decision, even if it is to accept the uncontrollable, and often heartbreaking realities that come Our way, we have enacted our most powerful ability—to use our conscience, free will and vast mind to choose something.
Incorporate acceptance prior to making a decision - fighting against what is rather moving harmoniously along with it no matter how hard, uncomfortable or painful it may be.
Base decisions on what you can control — not on trying to change what’s out of your control
In life, our first job is this, to divide and distinguish things into two categories: externals I cannot control, but the choices I make with regard to them I do control. Where will I find good and bad? In me, in my choices.
~Epictetus, Stoic Philosopher
Moving ahead prudently
Remember, it’s ok to gather facts, explore the discernment process and take your time with decisions; haste doesn’t make for wise, prudent choices. Prudent people make sound decisions, since they carefully weigh options and put care into their decisions in regards to the future (rather than how they feel in the present).
Give yourself permission to take this time to reach a wise decision that you know is right for you—without rushing to figure out the answer. It is perfectly all right to live in the question with an open curiosity. Forcing yourself into a decision is likely fear-based and out of haste. Decisions made under pressure aren’t usually going to lead us down the best path.
“Oftentimes, God is leading us through a process that is more about our heart’s posture than it is about the decision. He’s hoping we purify our hearts which will ultimately lead us to our conclusion.”