One doesn’t often dig into the meaning of a word, the essence behind it, or the root of the word itself. Brené Brown does this like a champ in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection. One word’s meaning stuck out to me more than others, a word that defines my journey to an open heart: courage. The root of the word courage is in fact heart (cor). Brené defines courage as the ability to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart. This might have been the single most vulnerable action in my journey as it was what I most struggled with in my downfall.
My heart was shrunken and shriveled, unable to reveal the truth it held deep in its shadowy depth. I needed courage like I needed air. It was every bit as vital as the breath I took to survive. Yet, when I reached down to sit with my heart and the truth it carried, I was frozen with fear.
Instead of courageously speaking my mind by revealing the truth in my heart, I gave into fear and stayed silent. The repercussions, it turns out, for stifling your essence and what you know in your heart to be true, is steep and as sharp as lies.
Although I attempted to be honest with myself, I shivered at the thought of allowing anyone else to hear the truth. Courage requires vulnerability (another of Brene’s choice words), a powerful act that most people deny themselves of. Allowing myself to be deeply seen and known by revealing my deepest fears and desires was my key to my open heart.
I understood that by owning my truth and setting it free, my life would certainly be flipped upside down, unrecognizable even to me. I had nothing left to lose, because had I not chosen courage and stepped out to forge my own path, I would have become a lifeless extension of someone else’s dream.
When the next step seemed crippling and petrifying, I found that choosing someone I trust to remain accountable with was critical to moving forward. My sister, also known as my “courage companion,” helped lure the buried pieces of my shattered heart by offering me a safe place to unleash the ticking time bomb in my mind.
Those shards reflected what I needed desperately to be heard. I unconsciously let out a statement that I had held captive for far too long. I began to feel empowered and realized through this process how badly I needed to release the grip I held onto the status quo.
It takes an enormous amount of surrender. It takes letting go of the life you held together like pieces that never seemed to fit quite right. It takes letting go of the life you live so you can live the life you imagine.
Allowing my most vulnerable self to be seen was my ticket to begin a new journey, one soaked in authenticity and soul. Had I not chosen courage and slipped further into a half-lived life, I could not have received the imminent blessings awaiting. I couldn’t have opened my heart to reveal the shining light of my soul. I owe everything to courage.
What stands on the other side of your truth is a multitude of freedom in your heart, soul and body. Whatever it takes to cross over is undeniably worth it. Whatever pain, life changes, paralysis, confusion and darkness will eventually be set on fire with the light of living authentically in your own truth.
Before we can let the light in, we have to let go of the darkness.
