spirituality

And the Time Came

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“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

—Anaïs Nin

This is my favorite quote in the entire world which is a bold statement because I collect quotes by the bucketload.

Anaïs Nin’s words spoke to me deeply at the beginning of this year. Now that 2015 is coming to an end, I’ve blossomed in unexpected yet beautiful ways. But to say that this is the end of my journey to self discovery is far from the case.

In my mind, life is truly beginning because I have learned to embrace all of life and live wholeheartedly. It is as if the fearful weight I carried around kept me from really seeing the beauty in everything the world has to offer.

I love unconditionally, laugh uncontrollably and feel negative and positive emotions without hesitation. I believe life is meant to be lived with an open heart and all that comes with this state of being.

Being in touch with my true self has allowed me to see the potential of all that is possible. 2016 will be an experiment in manifesting the intuitions that 2015 unleashed. I will be sharing my experience on my blog in hopes of inspiring you to blossom.

The Truth Within

My recent awakening has led me to return to the essence that was within me all along. Today I had a stream of consciousness in writing and God asked me, What do Buddha, Moses and Jesus (to name a few) all have in common? He answered, "I have sent them all divine consciousness in order to heal the world." I just finished listening to the preview of Dr. Jean Houston’s The Keys to Unlocking Your Quantum Power. Her program is very much in alignment with what I am already doing, yet it goes one step further to completely shed old ways of inhabiting and relating and thinking to step into the feeling of limitlessness—an effect I have started to experience. I was about to go to yoga class when my intuition whispered, "do not go. Slow down and relax." And in that moment, I felt compelled to check my email, which led me to Dr. Houston's seminar (which had fallen off my radar).

The timing was perfect (as is everything that is meant to be), so I sat down to listen to this magnificent woman talk about everything I need to learn in order to step into this next phase of my life with complete faith. Yet another intuitive whisper told me to reach out to my Reiki master, Hope, via email; this email search didn’t lead me to her email thread. Instead, it led me to answers of the deep questions I’ve been searching for.

The term Christ Consciousness has entered my mind recently, and with Christmas around the corner, Jesus has been on my mind relentlessly, forcing me to explore my feelings on this rather controversial figure. What appeared in my search was my dear friend Forest’s follow-up email after our 5-hour discussion on universal and spiritual principles (thank you, Forest). I was reminded of a teaching he shared with me on spiritual truth that cleared up any religious ambiguity in my mind:

The finger pointing to the moon is not the moon.

-Buddhist saying

I pondered the meaning behind this principle. No one religion is the only truth, so someone pointing at their religion as “the way” cannot claim any concrete truth, because there is no one way to God (the moon). Once you open up to the possibilities of what lingers beyond your religious beliefs and explore what lies beyond what you were taught to be true, your understanding becomes one of infinite possibility. The only truth is the one that inhabits your own soul.

“There is only one absolute Truth, and all other truths emanate from it. When you find that Truth, your actions will be in alignment with it. Human action can reflect that Truth, or it can reflect illusion. Can the Truth be put into words? Yes, but the words are of course, not it. They only point to it. The Truth is inseparable from who you are. Yes, you ARE the Truth. If you look for it elsewhere, you will be deceived every time. The very Being that you are is Truth. Jesus tried to convey that when he said, “I am the way and the truth and the life.” These words uttered by Jesus are one of the most powerful and direct pointers to the Truth, if understood correctly. If misinterpreted, however, they become a great obstacle.”

“Jesus speaks of the innermost I Am, the essence of identity of every man and woman, every life-form in fact. He speaks of the life that you are. Some Christian mystics have called it the Christ within; Buddhists call it your Buddha nature; for Hindus, it is Atman, the in-dwelling God. When you are in touch with that dimension of yourself — and being in touch with it is your natural state, not some miraculous achievement — all your actions and relationships will reflect the oneness with all life that you sense deep within. This is love. Laws, commandments, rules and regulations are necessary for those who are cut off from who they are, the Truth within. They prevent the worse excesses of the ego, and often they don’t even do that.”

“Love and do what you will,” said St. Augustine. Words cannot get much closer to the truth than that.”

-Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

What I needed to do all along was return to who I am, not who anyone else wanted me to be. I remember this feeling, the feeling of absolute, unwavering faith. The person I am when I surrender is beautiful — it’s who I am deep down, who I have always been. In this place where love dwells, I feel infinite and all is well. I breathe in Light in everything I do and exhale gratitude and love for myself, for God, for others and for the precious life we are given in each breath.

It is no coincidence that Christmas is around the corner. This holiday evokes so much passion and love inside me, and I am called back to that place where all is well in my heart. I do not have to suppress any part of me; I can simply let every bit of that love out into the vastness of the Universe (and clearly, it’s being returned to me). Now that I am so open to the world beyond my Catholic background, and I have studied Judaism and Buddhism and Hinduism, I can come to this place of knowing, the place that I couldn’t arrive at until I looked outside myself, outside my upbringing and outside my own Ego (and it’s need to be right and have one religious truth to grasp).

As I have let God and His love work it’s way through my whole being, I have felt no need to have one, solitary truth outside of the one in my own heart. No doctrine can trump what I feel in my heart; my spiritual connection is infinite and doctrine is worldly with limitations, rules and ideas of how one should inhabit the earth.

When I found the article on absolute truth, I had a revelation that revealed the truth I have searched for my entire life — that there is no one way to God. I truly am a seeker of light and wisdom and wherever I find that sense of awakening and consciousness is just fine. All I needed to understand is that the answers lie within my heart; I am on my own journey to enlightenment, via whichever path I take.

I will always go back to my Grandpa’s piece of wisdom, his truth-bomb, his quip: God cannot be so concerned about your religious affiliation as He is about your faith. Thank you, Grandpa.

I am truly inspired by the divine miracle of Christmas, a time when I feel most alive in this world. This Christmas is my homecoming; for years I wasn’t able to fully embody this miracle in my own expression. I suppressed how I felt and questioned the magic that has always lingered in my heart and is always brought to the forefront this time of year. I couldn’t help but cry on Christmas eve, two years in a row, for this very reason.

I knew this Christmas would be a pivotal step in my journey, as it arrives on the cusp of my transformation, when I awake to the truth in my heart and live the life I was always meant to live. The way Eckhart Tolle describes Christmas hit me in the center of my heart:

“The true meaning of Christmas is that the very Being that you are is the Truth. This is what Jesus meant when he said, “I am the way and the truth and the life.”

-Eckhart Tolle

When put this way, Christmas is the miracle of who I am at the core; it is creating an awakening of my spirit. It is the birth of this new phase in my life, a phase that allows me to live with the expansiveness I feel in my heart and the potential I feel is possible with deep faith.

This year is wrapping up in the most beautiful of ways. The facade of the woman I was unraveling into the past few years has been shed and I have been lifted into a new phase—one where I can confidently say everything happened for a reason. God simply needed to bring me back to myself, by showing me the divine love in my own heart.

A New Kind of Love

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  I cannot quite believe that 2015 is nearing an end. If Christmas was not right around the corner, you could say I would be fooled. But, if I go by my feeling, I can say without a shadow of doubt that the year is coming to a beautiful close. What started out as the hardest year of my life, has blossomed in a way that has left me in constant awe of what is possible.

Today is the new Moon, a day that now carries significant meaning in my life. The number 11 is a special gateway into magical happenings and new energy, and it’s no coincidence that it always falls around the new Moon. New Moons represent new beginnings, a fresh start each month, and paired with 11 (which also represents new beginnings) brings an extra special time to not only reflect on how far I’ve come, but where I want to go. I take the time to notice how I feel, if I am centered and prepared to step into the fresh month with loving intentions.

As I ponder how I feel in this moment, I notice my heart is starting to expand in a way it never has before. I feel all kinds of amazing energy and the vastness in this space is truly awe-inspiring. God’s love just knocks me over with such power and I’m so grateful to be in this place. Somehow, along the way, I pushed past the last few barriers I was facing, and I allowed all of this energy to rush in, ready to move me forward into the life I feel is imminent.

I didn’t know it was possible to be this happy, accepting and open to life exactly as it is. I didn’t know it was possible to love this much and to allow gratitude to permeate all aspects of my life. I don’t know what I did to deserve the best life of my life, although I do know I put in the work; I made mistakes and I learned to really love myself (and others by proxy) just as I am. I am far from perfect, but I am perfect in all the ways God has blessed me. If I can spend the rest of my life feeling this expansive and loving while spreading my light and love, then I will have truly come here for the right reasons.

I believe if you put in the work with endless determination, practice undying faith and keep your heart directed toward love, the path leads you to places unforeseen, full of wonder, beauty and light. I am still the same person when I look in the mirror, but the soul looking back at me is shining in all its splendor. The dull, lifeless person that once stood in the mirror, unrecognizable, has vanished.

The light I have gathered in my being will prevent me from ever looking at the person I see in the mirror without responding with an assured I love you. You are whole. You are beautiful. If I could have lunch with the me I was last January, this is what I would say:

It gets better. Yes, it sucks right now and your world may seem as if it has fallen apart; it may feel as though the journey forward is impossible. Do not fear the light inside of you. If you dig deep and sit patiently with every feeling in your weary heart, I promise it gets better. It gets so much better.

There is a place inside you that no one can take, that no person can fully extinguish. They may try to squander your light, but your soul knows who you are and it knows the way. This place still holds a vast expanse of potential to love. Simply, yet boldly, set your fears aside; it’s what got you in this messy predicament and it’s what will keep you from finding the escape route, too.

Choose the path to love. Make the impossible choice, the road less traveled. Tip toe if you must, but take the step. You will find if you enlist your curious heart that you have the capacity to love and live like never before.

Look back only to learn from your mistakes, not to dwell in your misery. You won’t find what you’re looking for if you can’t see the blessing in the present moment. Determine why you took each misstep on the way toward your fear-ridden, downward spiral.

God intends to teach us lessons, and if we look at our past, we will see He simply needed us to choose love. We have to choose love every single time.

Take a chance to live fully, to love wholeheartedly and to travel to the depths of your soul. Your essence is the key to who you are; not who you thought you wanted to be, or who you were trying to be or even who someone else wanted you to be. Who were you before you tried to please others by fitting your heart into a square peg? You aren’t a square; you are an infinite heart. You don’t need to try to fit in when you’re meant to fly.

Stand up. Reach out. Laugh until you cry. Dance it out. Travel to the corners of the Earth if you must. Sit with a friend who reminds you of who you truly are. Sit with yourself in quiet solitude. You will find answers in the silence. Pray, a lot. Get to know yourself, again. Discover how brave you can be if you know falling may happen, because you will learn how to rise. Explore the weightlessness that comes out of your expansive soul. Leap and see how far your heart will take you.

Then, darling, soar with the wings you will grow. Don’t look back, and don’t look forward. Find the peace in this moment. Feel the love radiating from your heart. Send gratitude for the beautiful soul that your body inhabits. And know you can be who you always wanted to be.

You are safe. You are loved.

This is what I would tell my old self. The me today is fearless, not in a way that I am certain of everything in my life, but I am certain my faith will see me through. Maybe that is why we fall in the first place, so we can learn to fly.

Keys to a Resilient Heart

keys to a resilient heart

The blessings of the past 10 days (and year) have put me in an unshakable state of gratitude. If you ask anyone close to me, they’d tell you how lost and unlike myself I felt this time last year. And I’d agree with them. I was constantly sick, working a job I hated, and in an unhealthy relationship (months away from our wedding). By January, I was unemployed, heartbroken and left to pick up the pieces.  I have my loyal family and friends to thank for helping me wake up to my own life and not only cherish it, but grow into the resilient person I am today (even if I didn’t always believe in myself). Life has a funny way of working out. Sometimes you have to head down the absolute wrong path to learn what the right one is. I learned to laugh and cry and brave my way through this year. And I have incredibly strong influences who continue to touch my heart deeply.

I am blessed to say I am the happiest I have ever been, not because I have a perfect life or the perfect relationship; my life is far from perfect and I am happily single. The reason for this is I make the best of everything.

If you don’t love the person you are or who you’re becoming, change your perspective because it will change your life. Choose to become the best version of yourself.

Develop a Resilient Spirit

I found practicing gratitude goes a long way; so does resiliency. I had the privilege of stumbling upon Cheryl Richardson's podcast on resiliency featuring Dr. Joan Borysenko. I discovered you must adopt the ability to adjust your sails while realistically approaching necessary changes.

Dr. Borysenko refers to this attitude as faith: the willingness to be present to reality moment by moment as it evolves. My personal perspective encompasses a strong faith in a higher power (knowing if I take each step, I’ll be guided to where I need to be). But this mentality only works if you take initiative to move forward based on what you can realistically achieve today.

Aside from realism and faith, Joan’s keys to resiliency are:

  • the ability to be creative/improvisational (the capacity to make something out of nothing)
  • a sense of humor
  • forgiveness
  • gratitude

These gifts all have one major component in common (and not just because they were my combined saving grace). The keys to resiliency keep you grounded in the present rather than prisoner to your past mistakes, regret or heartbreak.

Dr. Borysenko goes on to share the last key to the equation in the wake of change: to keep the best kind of company you have—people who believe in your potential while refusing to let you forget why you’re walking this new path.

And possibly more key than this is creating a new network that supports where you’re going. These fresh souls will only know the you that you are working to become, and they will reinforce the blessings of charting your new course. Developing a "soul tribe" is vital for fostering your best self.

We cannot control the outcome of certain situations in life, but we are given the opportunity to choose how we react; we can either succumb to our failures and shortcomings or rise with a resilient spirit to create a life we can proudly embrace.

I hope you choose faith, but most of all, I pray your open heart leads you to the most magical of places.

To listen to the entire Podcast with Dr. Borysenko on "Developing Resiliency During Change," download it on iTunes.