In the past, I have had words find me — in a serendipitous manner with a lace of intuition. This year was no exception as my favorite poet and artist, Morgan Harper Nichols, created an Instagram Reel of suggested words for the year. A screenshot determined my word this year, but I am certain it was meant for me (even if it were a millisecond between my word and another.)
I was clouded with so many fearful thoughts of the future, the what-ifs and I can’ts and worry-mixed-with-doubt. It was hard to gain clarity and even find out the truth in God’s sight: what is the best decision and next-right-thing? If only I could see through the fear, I pondered; what would that feel like? A sigh of relief, a breath of fresh air, and peace? Likely all of the above.
Discernment is a tool in our spiritual arsenal – one of the Holy Spirit gifts to us. It guides us to the will of God, which is to say the best possible outcome for us.
This year I choose blossom as my Word because it represents my intention to grow from the roots I planted as a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5) and build back what was broken through the vehicle of relationship.
It was the morning of the most important interview of my career; with emotions running haywire and hormones adding a dizzying effect, I decided that I just couldn't go to my interview that afternoon. The fear shouted so loudly that I couldn't hear the voice of wisdom that knew to show up despite the very big feelings. This was my dream job, after all!
Last August, I accepted a contract design position with a reputable company. But deep down I knew it was the wrong decision. I had quickly said yes before I stepped back in order to evaluate why I was taking the job. I had already lined up an interview with a teaching placement agency after completing redoing my resume to reflect my new career direction: teaching.
I am a pleasure seeker. Food became my main source of pleasure to escape a world that felt uncomfortable, difficult and scary—a world I didn’t know how to cope with.
I ate to numb the anxiety and the depression when I either felt too much or didn’t feel at all (and wanted to feel something). I ate to avoid the very big calling that loomed ahead. I ate to run from my inner world. I ate to bring a sense of pleasure that masked the harsh reality around me.
