The Awakening

At the tail end of one of the most tumultuous times I have experienced in my journey of spiritual awakening, on the cusp of change in every major area of my life: relationships, career, and home, I ventured on a walk with my dog (as I do every Saturday). This Saturday was like any other except it felt completely different. My life is rumbling with so much movement that I have felt like I stepped onto a rollercoaster ride that simply would not stop. Although I have surrendered to the change and granted it permission to work through me to create the life I dream of, I have yet to learn how to keep my cool when shit hits the fan. And trust me, it's blowing all around me, sending me in fifteen directions at once.

It is absolutely no coincidence (I don't believe in them) that the dawn of change in my life is happening right now. 2016 is a year of completion (9) according to numerology and is my personal year of completion according to my birth life cycle. And to foster all these changes that will catapult me into the life, love and career I am called to live is the magical energy of the leap year combined with two eclipses this month (March).

Six months ago during the last eclipse of September, my life took a swift turn toward unknown territories I now fully recognize as an awakened individual. At that time in my life, the exact people who were sent to play a significant role in my spiritual awakening appeared effortlessly into my life (or came back into my life) as soul catalysts. Normal people might say "what a coincidence," but I know better. No, this is synchronicity, my favorite word explained by the author Gary Zukav:

Synchronicity is this interesting, funny-sounding word that was created by Carl Jung. And what he meant by it was those times in your life when something appears to be a coincidence but you know that there is more to it than that. There is more than just a random coincidence involved. There is meaning, there is purpose, there is power behind it.

—Gary Zukav

Synchronicity plays out in my life like a finely orchestrated symphony, with God as the conductor. As I have learned to recognize these occurrences, I have grown in faith with a wild and beautiful capacity that defines my every day life as far from ordinary. I began to chart my journey of synchronicity to notice patterns and the way God was really at the helm of my calling and purpose here on Earth. Some day I will share with you just how that happened.

And now, after those events allowed me to come home to myself and recognize the God within me, I am now truly whole. I love with a passion that can only be described as a gift God placed in my heart when He created me. It only took thirty years to recognize and own the heart I am at the core. I started to believe that the seemingly insignificant events playing out in my life were far from accidents. I realized I was actually in the abundant flow of the Universe, something I had cut myself off from while living in fear and resistance.

A beautiful Earth Angel taught me that all I had to do to reach out and take hold of the higher vibrational energy circulating around me, waiting to grab me and take me to the place I am meant to be in life, who I am meant to be in life, was start saying yes. I had to put down my armor of resistance I was using to fight off whatever was working through me. I was missing the blessings of what was already in my life. Because all the places God had placed me during this period of my life were for a reason. They were there to push me into the next phase of my life, to connect me to the right souls and learn the lessons I was meant to learn before I move on.

All of the harmonious events and people I encountered since September have led to understand my God-given purpose and calling as a healer. I have come to understand just how my life was meant to challenge me so I could rise to meet who God created me to be. I had to grow in strength, resiliency, love and faith in order to be whole. And from that whole place, I love and serve others on a new level of understanding. I now love in a way I always felt compelled to, but never could quite muster until I loved myself first.

I didn't quite know just how I would go about embarking on this new path, switching careers and owning an entirely new identity, but that is where the gigantic faith I possess jumped in. I just followed my intuition (the voice inside me) and the passions that ignite my soul and God worked out the details in a synchronistic fashion. In faith, we are called to take action without knowing the outcome. I continued to rise in faith, and God rewarded my actions over and over again. I simply gave my worries to God and my Angels. I could not bare the weight alone; I was never meant to. I may still not know all the ways God is planning to use my life and love, but I do know the next steps to take.

I still stutter with doubt and I hesitate in taking the necessary steps (even though I know it is what I am called to do), but after the last week, God roared down and extinguished any last fears of moving forward. And so as the last seven days sped up with a hasty pace and burning in my soul, I am finally saying yes to my future wholeheartedly. I am saying yes to a career that will fulfill me in a way that a paycheck never could. I am saying yes to a new kind of love, by saying goodbye to one I have hung on to for far too long. And I am saying yes to a bucket list item that is calling my name right now.

Even though all this change is necessary and welcomed, I easily get swept up into the fury that my soul screams out in excitement. I forget that unless I am grounded and still, I cannot fully step into the future. And so I listened to my intuition to slow down, to take in each moment with a calm serenity and steady breath. I got back on my mat and I got back into my heart. I slept and slept some more knowing life would still be there when I awoke, and today, on this Saturday that meets me week after week, I know life has changed. I know I have changed.

As I rested and poured through the feelings in my heart that have unleashed themselves in the last seven days, the sunlight poured into the room beckoning me to join it. I walked through the paths of my neighborhood greenbelt and parks with my dog, grounded in the peace of a perfect Spring day. Not long after we ventured out did a hummingbird appear; another one of those ordinary occurrences that I know carry so much more meaning. My late grandfather visits me as a hummingbird. He has watched me embark on this difficult journey from Heaven, and so today as I carried the overwhelming weight of change, he appeared to put a gigantic smile on my face, to remind me all is well and to keep the faith. I watched him perch on a tree, wings still, cleaning his feathers. This is only the second time I have watched a hummingbird in stillness, a divine gift that I am in awe of. It is this rare stillness that reminded me of the importance of stillness in my own life. That no matter how much is rumbling or roaring, I can go inside in stillness and quite the chaos of my mind and outside world.

As I thanked my Grandpa for saying hi and told him I miss him and love him, I walked away feeling exactly what I needed: peace. I walked through the park with the childlike wonder that wraps me in love and light. I swung on the park swing with my dog in my lap—his new, favorite activity—and I took in the beauty around me. Not long after we got up to walk around back home, I saw a Monarch butterfly in the exact place I had seen him several weeks back. He lingered for several minutes. Butterflies are my symbol of completion, and so I see them as a reminder that I have truly grown into the woman I am meant to be. I have finished the first phase of my life—one that tested me with almost more than I could take, but not more than God knew I was capable of powering through—and I am ready to take my wings and embark on my next phase.

My dog and I walked home greeted by the hummingbird yet again just as a woeful thought entered my mind. I laughed and thanked my Grandpa again. I would give anything to have my Grandpa back in his favorite chair, gifting me with his infinite wisdom, but He is still very much with me. The beautiful thing about spirits in Heaven is they can be with you wherever you are. Having an Angel like him is just one more blessing I have in this wonderful life I lead. It is just one more reminder that

This might be my favorite part of being a spiritually awakened individual, or as Wayne Dyer referred to as "a Being of Light." You notice the beauty all around you: in every flower bloom and every warm summer day, in the feeling of a wave crashing into your feet, in the visit of a hummingbird, in the painting of a vibrant sunset on the canvas sky and all these things fill you up with exuberant joy.

I have come to a place that allows me to return to a state of peace when I'm struck by the awe and beauty that surrounds me. I know no matter how much God is stirring around me for my benefit, I can be still. The outdoors will always be my safe haven and for that I am eternally grateful.

The Crossroads

So, you know that crossroads I speak of often? The one at the intersection of love and fear? I am once again at a major crossroads. MAJ. And as much as I talk love and am love, I still grapple with fear. We all do. And so my challenge lately is to live what I teach, and that is what I'm here to show you.

After every battle I've faced and every mountain I crawled up ( sometimes reluctantly so), I have reached the peak of my current journey. I can tell you with complete candor that I believed I could get here, but I had no idea how it would all transpire.

That is because God's plan is always ten times greater than the one our small, scared mind could imagine. Your heart may see the potential (even if we do not know how to navigate the journey), but out minds will always stay firmly placed in known, conquered territory. Ego makes damn sure of this.

But I am here to tell you that the plan I now see, the one I'm dying to say yes to, is so much greater than I thought possible. And the details, the ones I poured hours of worry and overthinking into? Those worked themselves out too. Shocker.

The view I see at the top of this peak (one I envisioned for nearly a decade) is breathtakingly beautiful. I now understand why my life took me down treacherous and difficult paths. I now know what my purpose is and what I am called to do on this Earth. But the catch is: all that I need to do in order to grow into my essence and life calling is taking a giant leap of faith into the unknown.

I have taken countless giant leaps in the past, each one working out better than the last. I know that if I say yes, if I just fall back on my steadfast faith, I will soar off this ledge with the wings I have acquired this year.

On the dawn of my year of yes (2016) and my time to sprout, I am here to tell you that I too have questioned, doubted, and struggled with how to overcome my fears and say yes. Luckily, I serve a faithful, loving God who has stood alongside me every step of the way.

As I sat overlooking my new view with a fire burning in my chest, paired with endless affirmations that it is indeed time to press on full speed into the life I am being called to, I came back to that crossroads. I have to keep stepping down the same path of love to get where I am going. So, I am choosing love. I am saying YES.

My patience and faith-filled actions paid off while I fervently waited, steeping in gratitude, until the stars aligned, until I reached the culmination of my past and the beginning of my promising future.

How will you know that the stars have aligned? You will know because of the "towers of flame" (as Elizabeth Gilbert perfectly phrased) inside your heart and soul. The pace of your heartbeat begins to quicken every time you are stepping closer toward that dream. And the once small voice in your heart will be screaming at you to beckon.

If you are anything like me and have that burning sensation in your heart to follow your own dreams, or even if the flame is but a whisper (or hasn't yet been lit), it is time to quiet your mind and listen to your heart. No matter how quiet the cry may be, the heart knows.

Will you honor yourself by listening to it? Will you take the road less traveled?

Love As I Know It

We need to be vulnerable enough to admit what we are feeling out loud to another person. I once heard something that stuck with me: "everything we say is for us to hear." We need to speak the truth in our heart; we need to be heard and seen by others to feel valued. It's when we hide our thoughts, feelings or emotions from others that we fall victim to our own lack of vulnerability.

Once we bravely share our soul/heart (love) and speak our mind (fear) to another person, we not only create that intimate bond, but we are rewarded with a sense of value and worth.

This is actually healing on a soul level. Emotions are just energy in motion. They are meant to move through us from our heart to another's. We are here to form relationships. So withholding emotions by stuffing them down inside our body has negative implications.

Choose to unleash emotions: the pinging of our heart or the anger deep in our tissue—the feelings we timidly hold from our partner or the gravity of our recent loss. Let it all go. Let your heart be heard. Let your truth be seen.

According to Brene Brown, this is love:

We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

When we disown our feelings, we dishonor our partner by proxy. We build a dam to the intimacy and connection that otherwise grows when we are vulnerable.

This is why I adore the quote by Anais Nin. We hold the key for the potential of love in our own heart and between ourselves and another soul. It always starts with us, with our ability to face whatever insidious weed is rampantly spreading in our body.

It may feel like treacherous waters to wade into. It may seem debilitating to explore what can easily be diminished with liquor or food or sex. But unless we face our heart's longing to be open, we will fail to vanquish our emotion and fear.

The enemy of love is never outside, it’s not a man or a woman, it’s what we lack in ourselves.

—Anaïs Nin

If we tiptoe even with small steps of loving intention toward ourself, we will be empowering our emotions. It takes feeling what we've spent too long avoiding. I know all too well how feeling the weight of our emotions can be daunting, but let me be your walking testament: the weightlessness—the lightness we feel once the energy moves from our body—is worth battling our deepest wounds.

Awake at dawn

Awake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving. —Kahlil Gibran