Stand in Your Light

This is who I am insideThis is who I am, I'm not going to hide Cause the greatest risk we'll ever take is by far To stand in the light and be seen as we are So stand in the light and be seen as we are

With courage and kindness hold onto your faith You get what you give and its never too late To reach for the branch and climb up leaving sadness behind Fight hard for love We can never give enough

—"Stand in the Light" by Jordan Smith

I am a huge, huge fan of The Voice. I have only missed one of the last eight seasons. And The Season 9 winner, Jordan Smith, is by far my favorite artist discovered on the show. And it isn't his voice that makes me say this (even though he sings like an angel), but the way he makes me feel and the way he shines so brightly as an individual. He inspires me to be who I am, and so it's no surprise that his first single is "Stand in the Light."

Today, and every day, I am standing in my light and owning my authentic heart. And that heart wants to share all that I am. My words are my passion. I am a writer. I am a poet. I am love. I am light.

A little over a year ago, as I began my journey to own who I am and speak my truth, I received the name of my future book during a meditation: The Patchwork Heart. I quickly bought the domain name and vigorously wrote down my story as it unraveled. I made a goal to launch my website and begin sharing my heart so I wouldn't have to wait until I am published.

I have procrastinated and perfected and poured my heart into my site. And there is still a lot of progress to be made. But I discovered how fearful and limiting my perfectionism is, and that done is better than perfect.

Inspired by Jordan's words to stand in my light, I am here to show you who I am: an open heart, a writer and poet. And I am incredibly proud of that. I come from a lineage of spectacular writers: my mother, Diane Amento Owens and my beloved grandfather, Robert Amento. But more than a writing ability, they passed down faith and passion which I express with each heartfelt word.

I am called to share this love and light with you in hopes that you step into your own light. All we can ever do is be exactly who we are, say all we feel and love as hard as we can. I feel that love starts from within, with deep and meaningful self love. This is where our journey begins for we cannot truly love another in the way they deserve until we love ourselves.

There will be a day when living anything less than a soulful, passionate and authentic existence will simply not be acceptable. For me, that journey began when I began saying yes to myself and what made me feel alive. Taking the road less traveled is paved with unknown territory, but I have found there is nothing worse than not knowing.

Not knowing all you could be if you just step outside your security box and break down your walls of protection. Not knowing the love you are capable of giving and receiving if you take the time to love yourself. Not knowing where your passion and calling will take you if you set aside a job for a paycheck to do something you love and affect change.

I would rather know. I would rather learn to trust and have faith than give into fear. Fear keeps us right where we are but love, love takes us higher. I speak from this higher place of love. I live from this place, I wrote from this place and I serve from this place. There's no other way I would want to live. You couldn't pay me any sum of money to go back to the box of certainty and fear.

I invite you to stand in your light. If you are waiting for certainty or answers or clarity, you won't get it unless you start saying yes to love, trust, and faith.

Seeds of Intention

My chosen word of the year is sprout. I have the intention to grow and evolve using the foundation I set the past year. With only a few months into 2016, I have noticed the incredible impact my word has already made. I began a new practice every night, at the suggestion of my wise friend, Sharri, to review the positive intentions that I set forth throughout the day. And to carry out my word of 2015, gratitude, I begin each day with all that I am grateful for. This sets the most wonderful tone that keeps me in a place of love all day. I find just how much my intentions change when I am steeped in gratitude.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.

- Melody Beattie

While I am about to drift off to sleep, with my phone set aside, I list the intentions I carried out in love that day. Rather than focusing on my usual fear and anxiety-ridden worries or what I didn't get done, I shift my mind to what I did do that day—accomplishments, acts of kindness, loving gestures, goals met—and revel in the feeling of satisfaction of the beautiful intentions I set out into the world.

I think of this practice as the intention-counting version of the old adage of counting sheep. It fills my soul with feelings of being good enough, loving enough and being just plain enough. This sends gratitude out into the Universe for the loving intentions I was able to reach.

Intentions are an order form to the universe.

- Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

The way this practice has changed my life already is unfathomable; I used to stay awake burdened by feelings of inadequacy and every negative thought possible swirling around in my already-full mind. I now fall asleep knowing that I did the best I could today, and really that's all we ever can do: our best.

Yes, you probably didn't make that phone call to your grandmother, pick up the dry cleaning, spend enough time with your kids (or fur baby) or be nice enough to your nagging co-worker, but does any of that truly matter in the moments before you rest? All that matters is that you showed up today and you did your best. When you look to the positive, you choose to not only keep your outlook positive, but your body will also respond to that positivity too.

If you're like me and love to set high standards and constantly work toward higher awareness and self-improvement, these little reviews at the end of your day are a good indicator of whether you're in a heart space or living in fear. Because we all live busy and fast-paced lives, sometimes it is difficult to really set your intentions on a better path day to day. So, my trick is to set intentions and goals at the beginning of the lunar cycle (or the first of the month if that works for you).

When the New Moon is upon us, there is a heightened energy gateway for new beginnings; this is the perfect time to think back to how you felt in the passing weeks and how you may want to shift your attitude, behaviors or mindset. Write down your new intentions or simply sit under the dark sky and think them over. By the time the Full Moon has arrived, your intentions will come with it. Full Moons bring the manifestations we set forward into the Universe. Using this practice, I have seen miracles play out in my life around the time the Full Moon shines its majestic beauty down on Earth.

In order to grow, the seeds of love must be firmly planted in YOUR heart.

- Peacefulmind.com

So as the darkness fills your bedroom tonight, under the New Moon, or under any moon, what did you do today that you feel proud of? Smile at a stranger? Hug your children extra long? Reach your new fitness or health goal? Eat a salad when you really wanted fries? Sit and relax to still your busy mind? Nearly anything you attempted today can fit into this list. If it brings a smile of satisfaction to your heart, then by all means remember how that made you feel. And sleep tight knowing you are always enough.

The Awakening

At the tail end of one of the most tumultuous times I have experienced in my journey of spiritual awakening, on the cusp of change in every major area of my life: relationships, career, and home, I ventured on a walk with my dog (as I do every Saturday). This Saturday was like any other except it felt completely different. My life is rumbling with so much movement that I have felt like I stepped onto a rollercoaster ride that simply would not stop. Although I have surrendered to the change and granted it permission to work through me to create the life I dream of, I have yet to learn how to keep my cool when shit hits the fan. And trust me, it's blowing all around me, sending me in fifteen directions at once.

It is absolutely no coincidence (I don't believe in them) that the dawn of change in my life is happening right now. 2016 is a year of completion (9) according to numerology and is my personal year of completion according to my birth life cycle. And to foster all these changes that will catapult me into the life, love and career I am called to live is the magical energy of the leap year combined with two eclipses this month (March).

Six months ago during the last eclipse of September, my life took a swift turn toward unknown territories I now fully recognize as an awakened individual. At that time in my life, the exact people who were sent to play a significant role in my spiritual awakening appeared effortlessly into my life (or came back into my life) as soul catalysts. Normal people might say "what a coincidence," but I know better. No, this is synchronicity, my favorite word explained by the author Gary Zukav:

Synchronicity is this interesting, funny-sounding word that was created by Carl Jung. And what he meant by it was those times in your life when something appears to be a coincidence but you know that there is more to it than that. There is more than just a random coincidence involved. There is meaning, there is purpose, there is power behind it.

—Gary Zukav

Synchronicity plays out in my life like a finely orchestrated symphony, with God as the conductor. As I have learned to recognize these occurrences, I have grown in faith with a wild and beautiful capacity that defines my every day life as far from ordinary. I began to chart my journey of synchronicity to notice patterns and the way God was really at the helm of my calling and purpose here on Earth. Some day I will share with you just how that happened.

And now, after those events allowed me to come home to myself and recognize the God within me, I am now truly whole. I love with a passion that can only be described as a gift God placed in my heart when He created me. It only took thirty years to recognize and own the heart I am at the core. I started to believe that the seemingly insignificant events playing out in my life were far from accidents. I realized I was actually in the abundant flow of the Universe, something I had cut myself off from while living in fear and resistance.

A beautiful Earth Angel taught me that all I had to do to reach out and take hold of the higher vibrational energy circulating around me, waiting to grab me and take me to the place I am meant to be in life, who I am meant to be in life, was start saying yes. I had to put down my armor of resistance I was using to fight off whatever was working through me. I was missing the blessings of what was already in my life. Because all the places God had placed me during this period of my life were for a reason. They were there to push me into the next phase of my life, to connect me to the right souls and learn the lessons I was meant to learn before I move on.

All of the harmonious events and people I encountered since September have led to understand my God-given purpose and calling as a healer. I have come to understand just how my life was meant to challenge me so I could rise to meet who God created me to be. I had to grow in strength, resiliency, love and faith in order to be whole. And from that whole place, I love and serve others on a new level of understanding. I now love in a way I always felt compelled to, but never could quite muster until I loved myself first.

I didn't quite know just how I would go about embarking on this new path, switching careers and owning an entirely new identity, but that is where the gigantic faith I possess jumped in. I just followed my intuition (the voice inside me) and the passions that ignite my soul and God worked out the details in a synchronistic fashion. In faith, we are called to take action without knowing the outcome. I continued to rise in faith, and God rewarded my actions over and over again. I simply gave my worries to God and my Angels. I could not bare the weight alone; I was never meant to. I may still not know all the ways God is planning to use my life and love, but I do know the next steps to take.

I still stutter with doubt and I hesitate in taking the necessary steps (even though I know it is what I am called to do), but after the last week, God roared down and extinguished any last fears of moving forward. And so as the last seven days sped up with a hasty pace and burning in my soul, I am finally saying yes to my future wholeheartedly. I am saying yes to a career that will fulfill me in a way that a paycheck never could. I am saying yes to a new kind of love, by saying goodbye to one I have hung on to for far too long. And I am saying yes to a bucket list item that is calling my name right now.

Even though all this change is necessary and welcomed, I easily get swept up into the fury that my soul screams out in excitement. I forget that unless I am grounded and still, I cannot fully step into the future. And so I listened to my intuition to slow down, to take in each moment with a calm serenity and steady breath. I got back on my mat and I got back into my heart. I slept and slept some more knowing life would still be there when I awoke, and today, on this Saturday that meets me week after week, I know life has changed. I know I have changed.

As I rested and poured through the feelings in my heart that have unleashed themselves in the last seven days, the sunlight poured into the room beckoning me to join it. I walked through the paths of my neighborhood greenbelt and parks with my dog, grounded in the peace of a perfect Spring day. Not long after we ventured out did a hummingbird appear; another one of those ordinary occurrences that I know carry so much more meaning. My late grandfather visits me as a hummingbird. He has watched me embark on this difficult journey from Heaven, and so today as I carried the overwhelming weight of change, he appeared to put a gigantic smile on my face, to remind me all is well and to keep the faith. I watched him perch on a tree, wings still, cleaning his feathers. This is only the second time I have watched a hummingbird in stillness, a divine gift that I am in awe of. It is this rare stillness that reminded me of the importance of stillness in my own life. That no matter how much is rumbling or roaring, I can go inside in stillness and quite the chaos of my mind and outside world.

As I thanked my Grandpa for saying hi and told him I miss him and love him, I walked away feeling exactly what I needed: peace. I walked through the park with the childlike wonder that wraps me in love and light. I swung on the park swing with my dog in my lap—his new, favorite activity—and I took in the beauty around me. Not long after we got up to walk around back home, I saw a Monarch butterfly in the exact place I had seen him several weeks back. He lingered for several minutes. Butterflies are my symbol of completion, and so I see them as a reminder that I have truly grown into the woman I am meant to be. I have finished the first phase of my life—one that tested me with almost more than I could take, but not more than God knew I was capable of powering through—and I am ready to take my wings and embark on my next phase.

My dog and I walked home greeted by the hummingbird yet again just as a woeful thought entered my mind. I laughed and thanked my Grandpa again. I would give anything to have my Grandpa back in his favorite chair, gifting me with his infinite wisdom, but He is still very much with me. The beautiful thing about spirits in Heaven is they can be with you wherever you are. Having an Angel like him is just one more blessing I have in this wonderful life I lead. It is just one more reminder that

This might be my favorite part of being a spiritually awakened individual, or as Wayne Dyer referred to as "a Being of Light." You notice the beauty all around you: in every flower bloom and every warm summer day, in the feeling of a wave crashing into your feet, in the visit of a hummingbird, in the painting of a vibrant sunset on the canvas sky and all these things fill you up with exuberant joy.

I have come to a place that allows me to return to a state of peace when I'm struck by the awe and beauty that surrounds me. I know no matter how much God is stirring around me for my benefit, I can be still. The outdoors will always be my safe haven and for that I am eternally grateful.

Love As I Know It

We need to be vulnerable enough to admit what we are feeling out loud to another person. I once heard something that stuck with me: "everything we say is for us to hear." We need to speak the truth in our heart; we need to be heard and seen by others to feel valued. It's when we hide our thoughts, feelings or emotions from others that we fall victim to our own lack of vulnerability.

Once we bravely share our soul/heart (love) and speak our mind (fear) to another person, we not only create that intimate bond, but we are rewarded with a sense of value and worth.

This is actually healing on a soul level. Emotions are just energy in motion. They are meant to move through us from our heart to another's. We are here to form relationships. So withholding emotions by stuffing them down inside our body has negative implications.

Choose to unleash emotions: the pinging of our heart or the anger deep in our tissue—the feelings we timidly hold from our partner or the gravity of our recent loss. Let it all go. Let your heart be heard. Let your truth be seen.

According to Brene Brown, this is love:

We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

When we disown our feelings, we dishonor our partner by proxy. We build a dam to the intimacy and connection that otherwise grows when we are vulnerable.

This is why I adore the quote by Anais Nin. We hold the key for the potential of love in our own heart and between ourselves and another soul. It always starts with us, with our ability to face whatever insidious weed is rampantly spreading in our body.

It may feel like treacherous waters to wade into. It may seem debilitating to explore what can easily be diminished with liquor or food or sex. But unless we face our heart's longing to be open, we will fail to vanquish our emotion and fear.

The enemy of love is never outside, it’s not a man or a woman, it’s what we lack in ourselves.

—Anaïs Nin

If we tiptoe even with small steps of loving intention toward ourself, we will be empowering our emotions. It takes feeling what we've spent too long avoiding. I know all too well how feeling the weight of our emotions can be daunting, but let me be your walking testament: the weightlessness—the lightness we feel once the energy moves from our body—is worth battling our deepest wounds.