The Crossroads

So, you know that crossroads I speak of often? The one at the intersection of love and fear? I am once again at a major crossroads. MAJ. And as much as I talk love and am love, I still grapple with fear. We all do. And so my challenge lately is to live what I teach, and that is what I'm here to show you.

After every battle I've faced and every mountain I crawled up ( sometimes reluctantly so), I have reached the peak of my current journey. I can tell you with complete candor that I believed I could get here, but I had no idea how it would all transpire.

That is because God's plan is always ten times greater than the one our small, scared mind could imagine. Your heart may see the potential (even if we do not know how to navigate the journey), but out minds will always stay firmly placed in known, conquered territory. Ego makes damn sure of this.

But I am here to tell you that the plan I now see, the one I'm dying to say yes to, is so much greater than I thought possible. And the details, the ones I poured hours of worry and overthinking into? Those worked themselves out too. Shocker.

The view I see at the top of this peak (one I envisioned for nearly a decade) is breathtakingly beautiful. I now understand why my life took me down treacherous and difficult paths. I now know what my purpose is and what I am called to do on this Earth. But the catch is: all that I need to do in order to grow into my essence and life calling is taking a giant leap of faith into the unknown.

I have taken countless giant leaps in the past, each one working out better than the last. I know that if I say yes, if I just fall back on my steadfast faith, I will soar off this ledge with the wings I have acquired this year.

On the dawn of my year of yes (2016) and my time to sprout, I am here to tell you that I too have questioned, doubted, and struggled with how to overcome my fears and say yes. Luckily, I serve a faithful, loving God who has stood alongside me every step of the way.

As I sat overlooking my new view with a fire burning in my chest, paired with endless affirmations that it is indeed time to press on full speed into the life I am being called to, I came back to that crossroads. I have to keep stepping down the same path of love to get where I am going. So, I am choosing love. I am saying YES.

My patience and faith-filled actions paid off while I fervently waited, steeping in gratitude, until the stars aligned, until I reached the culmination of my past and the beginning of my promising future.

How will you know that the stars have aligned? You will know because of the "towers of flame" (as Elizabeth Gilbert perfectly phrased) inside your heart and soul. The pace of your heartbeat begins to quicken every time you are stepping closer toward that dream. And the once small voice in your heart will be screaming at you to beckon.

If you are anything like me and have that burning sensation in your heart to follow your own dreams, or even if the flame is but a whisper (or hasn't yet been lit), it is time to quiet your mind and listen to your heart. No matter how quiet the cry may be, the heart knows.

Will you honor yourself by listening to it? Will you take the road less traveled?

Love As I Know It

We need to be vulnerable enough to admit what we are feeling out loud to another person. I once heard something that stuck with me: "everything we say is for us to hear." We need to speak the truth in our heart; we need to be heard and seen by others to feel valued. It's when we hide our thoughts, feelings or emotions from others that we fall victim to our own lack of vulnerability.

Once we bravely share our soul/heart (love) and speak our mind (fear) to another person, we not only create that intimate bond, but we are rewarded with a sense of value and worth.

This is actually healing on a soul level. Emotions are just energy in motion. They are meant to move through us from our heart to another's. We are here to form relationships. So withholding emotions by stuffing them down inside our body has negative implications.

Choose to unleash emotions: the pinging of our heart or the anger deep in our tissue—the feelings we timidly hold from our partner or the gravity of our recent loss. Let it all go. Let your heart be heard. Let your truth be seen.

According to Brene Brown, this is love:

We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

When we disown our feelings, we dishonor our partner by proxy. We build a dam to the intimacy and connection that otherwise grows when we are vulnerable.

This is why I adore the quote by Anais Nin. We hold the key for the potential of love in our own heart and between ourselves and another soul. It always starts with us, with our ability to face whatever insidious weed is rampantly spreading in our body.

It may feel like treacherous waters to wade into. It may seem debilitating to explore what can easily be diminished with liquor or food or sex. But unless we face our heart's longing to be open, we will fail to vanquish our emotion and fear.

The enemy of love is never outside, it’s not a man or a woman, it’s what we lack in ourselves.

—Anaïs Nin

If we tiptoe even with small steps of loving intention toward ourself, we will be empowering our emotions. It takes feeling what we've spent too long avoiding. I know all too well how feeling the weight of our emotions can be daunting, but let me be your walking testament: the weightlessness—the lightness we feel once the energy moves from our body—is worth battling our deepest wounds.

I Choose You

I choose a lover who professes their love with whatever form suits their soul.

I choose a lover who doesn’t hold their tongue, no matter what the message is.

I choose a lover who soothes my soul with just one touch.

I choose a lover who knows what they want and finds it in me.

I choose a lover who awakens from a nights sleep giddy over my fresh face and new day.

I choose a lover who knows how to play and embraces their inner child.

I choose a lover who has been through hell so as to recognize and appreciate fucking fantastic when it arrives.

I choose a lover that embodies mind, body and spirit in their chaotic life.

I choose a lover whose faith is steadfast and heart is forthright.

I choose a lover whose flame never dwindles but only grows stronger.

I choose a lover who knows who I am and what I dream of at my core.

I choose a lover who will swim in my pool of vulnerability and not be weary of the deep end.

I choose a lover who wears passion just as unabashedly as his favorite, worn-in t-shirt.

I choose a lover who marvels at the tiniest wonders with me.

I choose a lover who believes our connection is the greatest gift in life.

I choose a lover who never looks back but braves each storm together.

I choose a lover whose words touch my heart and awaken my soul.

I choose a lover whose lips melt into mine taking me to another time and space.

I choose a lover who will dig deep trenches inside my heart and fill it with a love so passionate and raw that every open crack is patched.

I choose a lover that doesn’t choose me by default, but fights to choose me.

I choose a lover who understands I’m not a property that can be owned, remodeled or upgraded.

I choose a lover who allows freedom for our individual foundations to be laid with solid intentions.

I choose a lover who feels deeply, loves irrationally and lives wholeheartedly.

I choose a lover who views kindness as an obligation, not a choice.

I choose a lover who has an unwavering sense of faith, purpose and light.

I choose a lover who believes this world is inherently good, that it is souls like us who serve as a gripping reminder.

I choose a lover that chooses me first, that would choose me even if I didn’t choose him.

I choose a lover that sits beside me at the end of the day simply because where I am is home.

I choose a lover who lights up the room with insidious love, laughter and kindness.

I choose a lover who will show me why it never worked before.

I choose a lover whose laugh ignites my very soul, whose voice feels like a familiar calling, whose kiss feels like the one I’ve waited my whole life for.

I choose a lover who teaches me everything I think I know about love and everything I have yet to learn.

I choose a lover whose idea of adventure is choosing an ice cream flavor along with combing the rainforest.

I choose a lover who thinks each new day is a chance to write a new story, one that is better than the last.

I choose a lover who has the utmost sense of who he is at the soul level.

This is who I choose. I choose you, over and over, on any day, under any roof, amidst every starry night. I choose you.

And I will keep choosing you until our souls part.

I Am...

You are light.You are love. You are whole.

Know that you are perfect in this moment. Your past, your childhood conditioning, your relationships or your job do not define you.

You are a divine being of Light and you are Love at the very core. When you connect to the true nature of your soul, you will simply radiate from the inside out. You will become a beacon of hope and healing to all those you encounter. This is who you are.

So drop the dead weight and baggage you carry from your past, because you deserve to feel light and love.

Imagine a word you want to embrace and embody, then create a mantra around that word. My mantra today and every day is: I am light. I am love. I am whole.

My life coach, Sky Blossoms, advises in her book, Best Thing Ever, to write your chosen mantra or word on your mirror, at your desk or in your car (or all three), and leave it there for 30 days. Repeat it daily to yourself.

Notice the changes in you after the month closes; see the difference you feel in your mind, body and spirit. When we decide something and allow it to pervade our being, something shifts in our body. Our body responds to whatever is in our mind. So choose to believe and repeat empowering words to yourself often.

Our mind comes up with enough negative jibber jabber on a daily basis; counter some of that with positive reinforcement in your thoughts and words. Your mind will catch on and your body will follow suit in beyond measurable ways. Try it and see just how much of a difference this will make in your life.