Resistance is a form of fear; it masquerades as something like procrastination. There are many forms of resistance but they all have one commonality: they stem from fear. Once we finally understand the root of our resistance, we can work toward facing the fears that have caused such resistance in our lives. With this new realization, we are empowered to work through our fears so they no longer remain the driving force behind our actions.
The following is a list of common forms of resistance and how they show up in our lives:
Procrastination
Procrastination may look like avoidance but the root of putting something off is the fear of something not being good enough or you not being good enough; it is also the fear of failure. Procrastination says, “If I just refuse to face this, then I won’t have to deal with the possibility of failing or being rejected or ridiculed.”
Perfectionism
The aim of perfection is really protection from our greatest fears. If something has to be perfect, it’s because we believe that unless it reaches this impossible standard it won’t be ok, it won’t be good enough. Perfection says, “If it’s not perfect it won’t be good enough” which ultimately means “I’m not good enough.” Perfection is saving us from our fear of failure or rejection.
Boredom
Boredom is a tactic to avoid the things we are meant to do but are ultimately afraid of. Boredom says, “I’m afraid of doing the very thing that alleviates my boredom, I’m afraid of being content with myself, I’m afraid of seeking understanding of why I am bored with my life.” When we look beneath the boredom, we see there’s a cure but we have to be willing to face the thing that alleviates our boredom. Oftentimes that requires facing some sort of stagnant area of our lives which brings up fear of potential change and therefore risk.
Distraction
Distraction is our way of avoiding that which we fear and would rather not face. Distraction says, “If I just focus on this one thing, I won’t have to pay attention to the very thing that scares me.” At the end of the day, distraction only delays what we must face (and often worsens the situation). Our fear of dealing with something is usually worse than the actual situation. Distractions can be such intoxicating ways to deny reality, but once we face what we’re running from we can find solutions that ultimately better our lives and leave us less reasons to seek distraction.
Denial
Denial is the mind’s attempt to delay dealing with reality. It allows us to compartmentalize life and set aside the parts that we fear if dealt with might (or could) destroy us. Our mind protects us from this fear through denial by pretending as if the situation or feeling or pain doesn’t exist. Denial says, “If I look at the thing I don’t want to look at then I’ll have to face my fear and do something that scares me. I will just pretend the problem doesn’t exist.”
Projection
Projection takes our own fears and tosses them over to someone else by looking at their issues and flaws. We see what we do not like in ourselves in others; what bothers us in others is a shadow side of ourselves that we’d rather not look at. If something didn’t bother us, then it means it’s something in our own selves that we approve of or readily accept. Projection says, “If I project/push my fears onto you by focusing on you and your fears/flaws, I won’t have to face my own self.”