For the last week, Caterpillars kept showing up in or outside my apartment. This conspicuous sign arrived around the time I got the sense my soul required cocooning. My word of the year had seemingly sent my system into a shocking need for inner cultivation—especially after I fell backward into old habits for comfort and consolation to my painful grief and depression.
In the past, I have had words find me — in a serendipitous manner with a lace of intuition. This year was no exception as my favorite poet and artist, Morgan Harper Nichols, created an Instagram Reel of suggested words for the year. A screenshot determined my word this year, but I am certain it was meant for me (even if it were a millisecond between my word and another.)
I was clouded with so many fearful thoughts of the future, the what-ifs and I can’ts and worry-mixed-with-doubt. It was hard to gain clarity and even find out the truth in God’s sight: what is the best decision and next-right-thing? If only I could see through the fear, I pondered; what would that feel like? A sigh of relief, a breath of fresh air, and peace? Likely all of the above.
Discernment is a tool in our spiritual arsenal – one of the Holy Spirit gifts to us. It guides us to the will of God, which is to say the best possible outcome for us.
God recently revealed to me that I am holding onto the weight of my past. By holding onto my past, I’m not only carrying around a weight I was never meant to carry, but I am blocking the blessings of God’s plan for me in the future. So today I ask you: What weight are you carrying that is hindering your upward momentum?
It is nearly June 1 which means we are six months into 2023, six months of my intention to slow down. While I have made impeccable progress, catching myself wanting to do this or that, I’m still letting my monkey mind meander to tasks or distractions that keep me busy. I have both moved out and finished out the school year, moving at a pace that I wish was so much less hasty than it actually was.
When I went back to therapy in 2020, I was in desperate need for help in many aspects of my life, career, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I knew I wanted to do cognitive therapy after hearing how wonderful it’s effects can be. I found an amazing therapist that did both CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy and EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing).
My word for 2023 is slow. This word came to me as I was sitting in prayer and reflecting on the lessons of 2022. I had some very hard-to-swallow lessons last year, one of which was the fact that I am a workaholic. I use work and busyness to distract myself from pain, problems and the stillness that would inevitably force me to look inside and make hard changes that I want to avoid.
