When I went back to therapy in 2020, I was in desperate need for help in many aspects of my life: career, mental health, emotionally and spiritually. I knew I wanted to do CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) after hearing how wonderful its effects can be. I found an amazing therapist that did both CBT and EMDR (eye movement desensitization) and quickly booked my first session.
I was having a difficult time putting aside my fears and living heart-centered and in the present without becoming overwhelmed by anxiety and fear over the future.
In therapy, we came up with a phrase for CBT to help my mind relax, get out of flight or fight mode and ease into the present moment (while letting go of fears around the future).
I chose the phrase, “everything is going to be okay no matter what happens.” Of course, at the time I didn’t believe this whatsoever; there was definitely some major cognitive dissonance, which is to say my mind couldn’t connect what I was thinking, and feeling to what this phrase encompassed (the truth behind it). Nevertheless, my therapist wrote it down for me, and I took that note card home and started repeating that phrase and writing it down as often as possible, especially when I was feeling, overwhelmed and mired in fear. I even made art on my iPad at the suggestion of my therapist.
slow and steady progress
Overtime, my brain started to relax and ease into the faith and trust that is required to be able to let go, surrender, and trust that everything truly will be okay no matter what. I added “no matter what” as a key component because it allowed me to know I would be okay (and I am okay) even if circumstances aren’t so great at the time.
What I really needed to believe is: no matter what today brought, at the end of the day I was ok—no matter what struggles appeared in life. And tomorrow I would still be okay even if life brought the worst
little by little
This was a very long, drawn out and arduous process. To a brain that has struggled with PTSD and gone through the worst of the worst, it takes a lot of work to retrain your brain to get out of fight or flight mode and regain trust.
There’s no way I could do that without God; there’s no way I could do that without sobriety and recovery; there’s no way I could do that without an amazing support system around me including family, friends and therapy; there’s no way I could do that without my church and church family.
It takes a village and steadfast perseverance but I got there years later —I arrived at a place where I could finally sink into the thought, “I’m going to be ok no matter what happens” and really embrace the truth in that.
I still remember the day when I could feel this truth in my body and relax into the relief I finally felt. The sensation brought tears to my eyes. My body had been through so much from trauma and loss, and my brain had worked tirelessly to protect me from the threat of anymore trauma or loss occurring. So, when I finally could release and let my body go into rest mode, the relief was overwhelming.
I cried becuse I knew how far I’d come and how hard I worked and how much relief I experienced as a result.
Seeing the auspicious ad in the New York Times on Saturday brought such a smile to my face; I knew God was also smiling down upon me and sending me a sign, as if to say, well done, Child. Yes, God—everything is quite all right.
your turn
What would be your ideal phrase? It is best to choose something that doesn’t have such a significant leap from point A (where you were at now) to point B (the truth hidden in your face)—to remove some of the gap for your brain to more easily connect the dots.
Lastly, if you’ve been considering therapy, consider this your nudge to take the leap and find a therapist that is a good fit for you. Consider what you would like in a therapist, and what tools in your toolbox you would like them to have, whether it be EMDR, CBT, DBT, or a combination. Find what will help you gain the most healing and relief, and make the brave and extremely important choice to get help.
The times I most needed therapy were also the times I faced the greatest resistance and fear. Surrender that fear and resistance to God, and find a way to get the help you need and deserve. Peace of mind, relief, freedom, and greater joy are all waiting on the other side.
Resources
Discounted therapy: open path collective
List of therapist in your area: psychologytoday.com
12-Step recovery groups: findhelp.org
Helpful books:
Codependent no more by melody Beattie
Boundaries by John Townsend
Love is a choice by Dr. Robert Hemfelt
This naked mind by Annie Grace
Inner Bonding by Dr. Margaret Paul