A New Kind of Love

  I cannot quite believe that 2015 is nearing an end. If Christmas was not right around the corner, you could say I would be fooled. But, if I go by my feeling, I can say without a shadow of doubt that the year is coming to a beautiful close. What started out as the hardest year of my life, has blossomed in a way that has left me in constant awe of what is possible.

Today is the new Moon, a day that now carries significant meaning in my life. The number 11 is a special gateway into magical happenings and new energy, and it’s no coincidence that it always falls around the new Moon. New Moons represent new beginnings, a fresh start each month, and paired with 11 (which also represents new beginnings) brings an extra special time to not only reflect on how far I’ve come, but where I want to go. I take the time to notice how I feel, if I am centered and prepared to step into the fresh month with loving intentions.

As I ponder how I feel in this moment, I notice my heart is starting to expand in a way it never has before. I feel all kinds of amazing energy and the vastness in this space is truly awe-inspiring. God’s love just knocks me over with such power and I’m so grateful to be in this place. Somehow, along the way, I pushed past the last few barriers I was facing, and I allowed all of this energy to rush in, ready to move me forward into the life I feel is imminent.

I didn’t know it was possible to be this happy, accepting and open to life exactly as it is. I didn’t know it was possible to love this much and to allow gratitude to permeate all aspects of my life. I don’t know what I did to deserve the best life of my life, although I do know I put in the work; I made mistakes and I learned to really love myself (and others by proxy) just as I am. I am far from perfect, but I am perfect in all the ways God has blessed me. If I can spend the rest of my life feeling this expansive and loving while spreading my light and love, then I will have truly come here for the right reasons.

I believe if you put in the work with endless determination, practice undying faith and keep your heart directed toward love, the path leads you to places unforeseen, full of wonder, beauty and light. I am still the same person when I look in the mirror, but the soul looking back at me is shining in all its splendor. The dull, lifeless person that once stood in the mirror, unrecognizable, has vanished.

The light I have gathered in my being will prevent me from ever looking at the person I see in the mirror without responding with an assured I love you. You are whole. You are beautiful. If I could have lunch with the me I was last January, this is what I would say:

It gets better. Yes, it sucks right now and your world may seem as if it has fallen apart; it may feel as though the journey forward is impossible. Do not fear the light inside of you. If you dig deep and sit patiently with every feeling in your weary heart, I promise it gets better. It gets so much better.

There is a place inside you that no one can take, that no person can fully extinguish. They may try to squander your light, but your soul knows who you are and it knows the way. This place still holds a vast expanse of potential to love. Simply, yet boldly, set your fears aside; it’s what got you in this messy predicament and it’s what will keep you from finding the escape route, too.

Choose the path to love. Make the impossible choice, the road less traveled. Tip toe if you must, but take the step. You will find if you enlist your curious heart that you have the capacity to love and live like never before.

Look back only to learn from your mistakes, not to dwell in your misery. You won’t find what you’re looking for if you can’t see the blessing in the present moment. Determine why you took each misstep on the way toward your fear-ridden, downward spiral.

God intends to teach us lessons, and if we look at our past, we will see He simply needed us to choose love. We have to choose love every single time.

Take a chance to live fully, to love wholeheartedly and to travel to the depths of your soul. Your essence is the key to who you are; not who you thought you wanted to be, or who you were trying to be or even who someone else wanted you to be. Who were you before you tried to please others by fitting your heart into a square peg? You aren’t a square; you are an infinite heart. You don’t need to try to fit in when you’re meant to fly.

Stand up. Reach out. Laugh until you cry. Dance it out. Travel to the corners of the Earth if you must. Sit with a friend who reminds you of who you truly are. Sit with yourself in quiet solitude. You will find answers in the silence. Pray, a lot. Get to know yourself, again. Discover how brave you can be if you know falling may happen, because you will learn how to rise. Explore the weightlessness that comes out of your expansive soul. Leap and see how far your heart will take you.

Then, darling, soar with the wings you will grow. Don’t look back, and don’t look forward. Find the peace in this moment. Feel the love radiating from your heart. Send gratitude for the beautiful soul that your body inhabits. And know you can be who you always wanted to be.

You are safe. You are loved.

This is what I would tell my old self. The me today is fearless, not in a way that I am certain of everything in my life, but I am certain my faith will see me through. Maybe that is why we fall in the first place, so we can learn to fly.

Adam Phillips on Love

All love stories are frustration stories… To fall in love is to be reminded of a frustration that you didn’t know you had (of one’s formative frustrations, and of one’s attempted self-cures for them); you wanted someone, you felt deprived of something, and then it seems to be there. And what is renewed in that experience is an intensity of frustration, and an intensity of satisfaction. It is as if, oddly, you were waiting for someone but you didn’t know who they were until they arrived. Whether or not you were aware that there was something missing in your life, you will be when you meet the person you want. What psychoanalysis will add to this love story is that the person you fall in love with really is the man or woman of your dreams; that you have dreamed them up before you met them; not out of nothing — nothing comes of nothing — but out of prior experience, both real and wished for. You recognize them with such certainty because you already, in a certain sense, know them; and because you have quite literally been expecting them, you feel as though you have known them for ever, and yet, at the same time, they are quite foreign to you. They are familiar foreign bodies. —Adam Phillips

Discover more about Adam Phillips and his work: https://www.brainpickings.org/2015/10/05/adam-phillips-missing-out-frustration-love/

Keys to a Resilient Heart

The blessings of the past 10 days (and year) have put me in an unshakable state of gratitude. If you ask anyone close to me, they’d tell you how lost and unlike myself I felt this time last year. And I’d agree with them. I was constantly sick, working a job I hated, and in an unhealthy relationship (months away from our wedding). By January, I was unemployed, heartbroken and left to pick up the pieces.  I have my loyal family and friends to thank for helping me wake up to my own life and not only cherish it, but grow into the resilient person I am today (even if I didn’t always believe in myself). Life has a funny way of working out. Sometimes you have to head down the absolute wrong path to learn what the right one is. I learned to laugh and cry and brave my way through this year. And I have incredibly strong influences who continue to touch my heart deeply.

I am blessed to say I am the happiest I have ever been, not because I have a perfect life or the perfect relationship; my life is far from perfect and I am happily single. The reason for this is I make the best of everything.

If you don’t love the person you are or who you’re becoming, change your perspective because it will change your life. Choose to become the best version of yourself.

Develop a Resilient Spirit

I found practicing gratitude goes a long way; so does resiliency. I had the privilege of stumbling upon Cheryl Richardson's podcast on resiliency featuring Dr. Joan Borysenko. I discovered you must adopt the ability to adjust your sails while realistically approaching necessary changes.

Dr. Borysenko refers to this attitude as faith: the willingness to be present to reality moment by moment as it evolves. My personal perspective encompasses a strong faith in a higher power (knowing if I take each step, I’ll be guided to where I need to be). But this mentality only works if you take initiative to move forward based on what you can realistically achieve today.

Aside from realism and faith, Joan’s keys to resiliency are:

• the ability to be creative/improvisational (the capacity to make something out of nothing)
• a sense of humor
• forgiveness
• gratitude

These gifts all have one major component in common (and not just because they were my combined saving grace). The keys to resiliency keep you grounded in the present rather than prisoner to your past mistakes, regret or heartbreak.

Dr. Borysenko goes on to share the last key to the equation in the wake of change: to keep the best kind of company you have—people who believe in your potential while refusing to let you forget why you’re walking this new path.

And possibly more key than this is creating a new network that supports where you’re going. These fresh souls will only know the you that you are working to become, and they will reinforce the blessings of charting your new course. Developing a "soul tribe" is vital for fostering your best self.

We cannot control the outcome of certain situations in life, but we are given the opportunity to choose how we react; we can either succumb to our failures and shortcomings or rise with a resilient spirit to create a life we can proudly embrace.

I hope you choose faith, but most of all, I pray your open heart leads you to the most magical of places.

To listen to the entire Podcast with Dr. Borysenko on "Developing Resiliency During Change," download it on iTunes.

A Year of Gratitude

On this day of Thanksgiving, I took a moment to reflect on all that I am grateful for. More than anything, I am grateful for the journey I have taken this year and for the beautiful souls who stood by my side. They saw me when I was at my worst, and reminded me who I am at my best.

The root of joy is gratefulness… It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.

—David Steindl-Rast

Earlier this year, my mother gave me a jar along with a pack of beautifully-designed cards. These two items separately don’t have much meaning, but she told me to create a Gratitude Jar and write down a daily note of gratitude. I did not know that this little act would have much significance, yet gratitude literally changed my life. Just as those who start the day with coffee, I got my daily dose of joy and light, a way to find joy in the everyday or even in the darkest of times.

Every experience, no matter how bad it seems, holds within it a blessing of some kind. The goal is to find it.

—Buddha

Gratitude can take any situation and force you into finding the silver lining. You could say that was the theme of this year: turning my life upside down with joy through gratitude. I am choosing to share some of my gratitude notes not only as a reminder of how far I’ve come, but to show how thinking positively can pull blessings from the wreckage of any situation.

03.05.15 :: I am grateful for the life I have today, just as I am. Thank you for providing me everything I need to remain on an enlightened path.

04.15.15 :: I am thankful for today: the health I have, the love from family and friends and the incredible yoga community I have discovered.

05.07.15 :: I am grateful for this time with my family, especially my sisters. It warms my heart to spend time with them.

05.13.15 :: I am grateful for my wonderful friends. They life my spirits, make me laugh and remind me I am loved.

08.11.15 :: I am beyond grateful for my sisters and how strong our bond has become this year. They teach me strength, bravery and the true meaning of love.

08.16.15 :: I am grateful for the realization and vision of what I want, need and deserve in a partner. I am more hopeful than ever before.

08.19.15 :: I am so very grateful for al I’ve done to align with my true heart and for the person the universe delivered to me because of my open heart.

08.25.15 :: I am grateful for the journey my heartbreak has taken me on. I thank God for the chance to open my heart to the limitless potential in life.

08.31.15 :: I am grateful for a free heart and a thriving soul, for the joy to sing, dance and express my being without abandon.

09.22.15 :: I am ever so grateful for the people who came into my life to teach me lessons and to allow myself to know who I am on a deeper level. I know they were sent to me for a reason.

10.17.15 :: I turn 30 today. The amount of gratitude in my heart feels powerful enough that I must allow it to explode outside. Explode into hugs, laughter, love and absolute joy. Gratitude changes things.

11.03.15 :: Even on the craziest of days, I am thankful for my breath, awareness and angels that bring me back to the present moment.

11.21.15 :: I am grateful for the energetic space I am entering into through the gifts of courage and vulnerability. Feeling my heart and acting on it creates a wondrous effect. I will always follow my heart and listen to it.

11.26.15 :: I am grateful for this year: the lessons it encompassed, the self-love it brought into my heart and the passion it filled my soul with.

I have heard the quote, “Gratitude is the vitamin for the Soul.” If you start your day with an attitude of gratitude, your life and attitude will shift dramatically. I know mine has. This Thanksgiving, I wish you all the peace and happiness your heart can muster. I challenge you to allow gratitude to pulse through your being every single day.