On my journey to find self love, I found myself gravitating toward my favorite Disney songs as a form of uplifting and fairy-tale inspiration. I have been the girl who wished upon a star for her prince to come along, only to discover that I didn't need to be rescued or to be loved by another; I needed to rescue (and love) myself. Before I made this discovery, I found my prince charming and got engaged shortly after. This relationship served as a revealing mirror as I uncovered the paralyzing lack of confidence and self-love lingering beneath my fairy tale. I lost sight of the woman I was before I became defined by my relationship, and over time my partner also lost sight of the woman he chose to marry. We called off the wedding four months before saying "I do."
While I recovered from the trauma of cancelling a wedding and tending to my broken heart, I slowly realized that while I lost a future with someone I cared for deeply, I gained the chance to create a relationship with myself. Learning to love myself again and igniting my passionate soul became the most rewarding journey yet. Rediscovering the flame that burned out while living an inauthentic life and gaining the love I once sought from others led to something I never expected.
The love and fire in my own heart blossomed into the fairy-tale I truly dreamed of: where life is a joyous and blessed gift no matter the circumstances. This new dawn revealed exactly why my relationship was doomed from the start; I was still on a journey to find my inner truth and love myself wholeheartedly. The lack of a true north and love for myself made it difficult to plan a life with someone or love them in the manner they deserved. Looking back, it is clear to me how we can only love others as deeply as we love ourselves.
As I listened to my beloved Disney songs, the parallels of self love began to form in my mind. What if the search we females embark on to find the perfect partner is redirected inward? What if we find the love we seek right in our own hearts?
My heart was heavily influenced by Disney movies such as Snow White, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast and Sleeping Beauty. I spent my early-to-late twenties wondering when my own prince would come. Albeit my career as a designer had taken off and I had wonderful family and friends, I still had one major mission in mind: to find a husband.
I watched my nieces grow up with modern-day heroines in Mulan, Brave, Frozen and Tangled; I see the way in which females are now portrayed in a new light. Disney has finally seen the light when it comes to women carving their own paths and loving their own marvelous beings.
While I learned to love myself, the fog of grief and pain began to lift as I reacquainted myself with the woman I knew and loved before I tried to gain the acceptance of others. The time I spent hoping for a different life and someone to love me prevented me from simply enjoying who I am now.
I found myself listening to "I See the Light" from Tangled which sparked a flame of recognition: I realized I could come down from my tower of fantasy and see the beauty that existed within and around me all along. I didn't need to wait for someone to let me live the life I dreamed of. I now see the light of my single-hood; if I live the life I love and love myself through it, someone will eventually meet me right where I am to love me exactly as I am. It is as simple as that.
If the message behind this song can be viewed from a self-love perspective, thousands of pre-teens and twenty-somethings will see that while their dreams may involve getting married one day, ultimately happiness comes from within. We are conditioned to think we will find happily-ever-after in another's arms, but we have the power to shine our own light without them. Our life shifts in incomprehensible ways when we choose to love ourselves, accept ourselves and make peace with our lives exactly as they are.
When we learn to love and accept ourselves, we strive to be the best version of ourselves. We no longer battle with our need to be perfect, to be like the women portrayed unrealistically in the media or to be who we think someone will want to marry. Self-love and self-acceptance brings a new truth to our hearts: we already are perfect. And when we see ourselves from this light, so will others.
We attract partners who value us at the level we value ourselves; until we find everything that keeps us from loving ourselves, we will struggle to find someone who can love us how we deserve to be loved. Once the paradigm of self-love shifts in our heart and mind, those who see their own light reflected within us will line up for the chance to be with us.
Our partners simply reflect the beauty in our own hearts that was there all along. When we begin to shine our own light that light is then reflected right back to us through our partners. When we enter relationships with our true self's inner light and love in tow, partners become our greatest gift. A significant other then empowers our inner truth rather than enable our inner lack of love.
Self love invites a partner that is able to love us fully, unconditionally and without reservations, because we do the same for ourselves (and them by proxy). We honor the light and love in one another, further expanding the capacity to love ourselves and others.
Be like Elsa and let go of the need to be loved and accepted by others; usher in a self-love that will change the landscape of life and love as you know it. Test the limits and find the freedom that lies in finally loving yourself unconditionally.