When I’m attempting to sit with whatever funk that is creating discomfort inside of me or around me, I am still tempted to drown it out with food. I so badly want to drown it out with food. But something magical happens when I don’t. It might be five minutes later or two hours later but I’ve somehow given space to what really needed my attention. And if I’d given into the urge to eat away what gnaws at my heart, I’ll simply cover it up. I won’t avoid it; it will still be waiting for me to face when I’m ready.
But in those moments that I find the inner strength through God to just be, I’ve invited my feelings to come to the table and be seen. Then the miraculous part comes: they inch their way to the surface and tears flow or anger emerges.
All those feelings want is to be known—to have space to be acknowledged so they can go on their merry way (far far away from me). The more I practice being with whatever is up or down, the more I see that eventually, in my own time, the feelings bubble up (sometimes when I least expect it).
Whenever I’m still, they see a way out and take it. The beauty is those feelings—and the energy they carry—want an escape route; emotions are meant to move through us. Each time I choose to eat instead of feel what’s stirring inside of me, I’ve denied those emotions the right to pass the “go” game piece and flow on out.
If I’m stuffing my mouth to make myself feel better instead of feeling the discomfort, I’m stuffing those emotions down further. This merely clogs the pipes in my energetic body; clearing them out is as easy as slowing down from the busyness I use as a distraction, getting still and moving my body to encourage release.
This is why yoga is my saving grace; poses move energy around and it finds its way out. I not only clear the pipes in my energy body, but I cleanse the clog in my mental energy. The recovery process isn’t always steadily chugging along; bumps come and I am faced with a choice: do I choose to put to practice what I know or do I revert to old habits and press the easy button?
I’m learning as I put into practice what I’ve learned in recovery that no matter how good it feels to hit the easy button and eat to my heart’s content, it backfires and I feel worse than when I started. Heaven knows it’s taken a long long time to get to the place where I’m strong enough to take the God road.
January 28 marked 10 months in recovery. Those ten months have served me in more ways than I could fathom. The beauty of the process is it keeps getting better. Life still has its difficulties but knowing I have a God and spiritual tools to get me through lets me rest in knowing I can handle anything that comes my way. I’ve been given a way to confront the messy and work through it because I have a God who has taught me how. And for that I am endlessly grateful and blessed.
To learn more about the recovery journey, visit Celebrate Recovery for a group near you.