Every year like clockwork, the school year ends and depression hits. You would think I’d be jumping for joy, elated about my two month break from work. As humans we are habitual creatures and I thrive off of routine, particularly, as most people do. Summer break is not a vacation. It is a hiatus — a break between one year ending and a new year beginning.
A two week vacation would be a different thing than a two month time out, because after two weeks, I would be going back to my classes, as they were with the same kids, and same routine at become accustomed to for eight months. But when summer hits, the end of a beautiful season ends by proxy and with that and comes sadness and grief, along with the routine I thrived off of.
Because my body needed such rest, I surrendered and gave my body what it needed but in that timeframe I also felt very depressed. Teaching is not just a job, it is a calling with a deeply profound mission and purpose. Without that, there’s quite a bit missing from my life.
Thankfully, I get to return to my own interests, hobbies, and business pursuits; it doesn’t mean I am not suffering from the loss. I can have both and. I can be both happy to have time to myself and sad to be away from the kids, and to lose a little bit of sunshine we created in our classes over the course of the year, along with the connections and camaraderie.
It is a lot to come down from, the high of the classroom experience. But I couldn’t keep teaching without summer break, and so I am learning how to make the most of it while also mourning what was.
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”
Isaiah 43:2 ESV
Thankfully, this difficult time of transition is never too much for me to bear. Because I do end up inevitably getting back to my own art (see below), I am able to process the feelings of this time, and bring myself back to life through my favorite medium of drawing and painting.
If you were going through change, especially unexpected, change, know that you need to pull out all of your coping skills from your toolbox, lean into prayer and your community, and find little tiny things that bring you joy in the midst of whatever feelings are pommelling you. My most favorite coping skills usually include something that processes feelings, because way too often, we tend to go to numbing mechanisms (myself included), which just keeps our feeling stuck and buried inside us.
The reassuring encouragement God uses during this time of my own struggle is to remember that things will get better. Just because circumstances might suck and the pain is potent, does not mean that things won’t also change for the better. So hang tight, equip yourself well, and be prepared to get stronger through these challenges you face. You’ve got this!