I recently watched the FX series, Fleishman is in Trouble. The star of the show, Rachel Fleishman, played by the incomparable Claire Danes, goes through a divorce where she loses sight of herself and consequently begins a fling with a man (where she further loses herself). Having lost sight of who she once was pre-marriage and motherhood, she attempts to find out who she is apart from the roles she played (including societal).
While she searches for that self, she winds up in a relationship with a married man, her friend’s husband, who doesn’t value her or the things she truly values. In the midst of this unhealthy partnership, she understands that she has lost sight of what matters: her true needs, her family and her own truth.
The Fall Out
While at a spiritual spa retreat with her lover, Rachel goes out into the woods during a mental breakdown and buries her phone in the ground. No one can reach her for days on end — which might’ve actually been exactly what she needed: a break from everything that had relied on her to be someone so she can find out who she really is.
Running from herself, her responsibilities and the roles that stifled her for so long, Rachel finds solace in the woods. The forest provides a sense of profound relief with emotional release and a realization: she had buried herself in her work, leading to neglect of her family and downfall of her marriage.
Rachel can finally see what led to her overworking and divorce; she had been trying to find who she was after an awful childhood, and simply lost herself while trying to figure out who she really is. Because she lacked any breathing room to search for that lost self, it was easy to see why she ran from her marriage, children and even herself.
Her husband had tried to love her and nudge her to stop working such long hours, yet she wasn’t willing to receive love or look deeply at her patterns. Rather than looking within, she runs into another’s arms (who really didn’t care about her and couldn’t care for her).
Turning Within
I can empathize deeply with Rachel’s patterns and tendencies to run from herself. It is rather difficult to look inside at wounds that aren’t ready to open. It is far easier to cover them with work, relationships or other feel-good habits that don’t require facing long-held, deep-seated pain.
During her retreat, Rachel searches deep within herself and expresses some deeply-held emotions (using scream therapy and alone time). It becomes evident she had pent-up anger and was trying to use her work addiction to avoid the pain she really felt inside.
She has a breakthrough during the retreat—allowing her to see things clearly for the first time. With this newfound clarity, she ends her relationship and returns to her family, embraced by those who love and value her most.
The show doesn’t reveal how she mends her marriage or the relationship with her estranged children, but she has come home - to herself and the love that she needs to hold her while she continues to heal.