For the past eight months I devoted myself to the process of spiritual warfare known as recovery. I began to feel that withholding this truth was another selfish ploy to hold onto any last bit of pride—a character trait I’ve been guided to let go of in favor of humility.
I’m sharing my story now for the sake of transparency. I believe so strongly in the power of vulnerability and truth-telling. It’s because of the honest souls who came before me that I was brave enough to seek help. They gave me the gift of insight by revealing what is possible through the process of recovery. Even though I had no idea what it involved, I knew something better was on the other side. They were living proof of that "something better."
I’m telling my story as yet another living testimony of what resides on the other side. If it saves one person from their personal hell, then it is worth risking my own transparency.
“When we truly understand other women’s journey’s, the contours their paths take, the steep climb and silent terrain that become more visable when we share them, we can know for sure that we will also make it. ”
It’s time to break my silence so my story of recovery can reach those who are still breathing under water. I know what it feels like to be holding your breath under the weight of every hurt that weighs you down—that hurt and those habits that become temporary life savers. The weight of the pain feels like it can swallow you whole.
It seems like there is no way to reach the surface and begin to breath in live-giving air; this is exactly what our fear and addiction wants us to think. It needs us to believe that we cannot survive without it, because we don’t know who we are without it. We don't know how to do life without it.
Before I could change by surrendering to this process, I had to encounter enough pain and the destructive ways it manifested in my life. Only then could I face the fear of the unknown.
Growth only happens when we accept that we need to change. That's why it takes innumerable amounts of pain to gain the awareness that our addiction or other hangup has become unmanageable.
My recovery revealed that God is the everlasting life-saver; He comes to rescue us from every hurt that keeps us captive and every habit we use to numb the hurt. This is the recovery process that promises a spiritual awakening.
God set me free from the shackles of suffering and addiction in the Twelve Steps of Recovery. I am in awe of the person I have been molded into. Even amidst unimaginable pain and loss, I found a way to cope with life that no longer involved numbing my feelings with food. I learned how to surrender my debilitating need to control my circumstances. The list of self-improvement is vast, and I'm uncovering more benefits daily.
God uses recovery to chisel away at our tough, outer exterior in order to reveal the softness of our heart underneath. He strips away everything in the process that causes our pain and suffering—everything that threatens to keep us from coming home to wholeness.
The way to God, to wholeness and a new beginning is through. We must visit with the tough, outer exterior we uses as protection so God can allow our walls to crumble. That is how we come home to Him—by knocking down the barriers to our home, the very heart He gave us.
Everything on the other side of these walls is a promise God gives us when we put down our hurts and habits and come to know Him. We're given a new outlook on life, freedom, restoration, inner peace, serenity, joy. We encounter a life that works beyond our wildest imagination.
It's a hard road to travel, but the promises of recovery that await are capable of giving us Heaven on Earth.
We don't have to wait for Heaven's door to free us from our pain and siffering; we only have to knock at the door of our own pain and choose to face it.
For once that door opens, God waits with open arms to lead us beyond the pain, beyond the hurt to a new way, His way, which turns out to be the best way. He fills the longing in our hearts with a palpable kind of love, the unconditional love of God. All we have to do is be willing to open the door; we've already been given the key.
For me, the key was the Twelve Steps of Recovery. It took hitting rock bottom to use the key God gave me, but I'm supremely grateful for my bottom. It brought me to the absolute peace and freedom I experience today.
Our bottom isn’t the end of life. It’s just the beginning. Our bottom is a blessing; it creates a desperation that breaks our pride and stubbornness and opens our heart to the kind of humility and vulnerability that fosters true growth.
“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.”
It is my hope and prayer that through my testimony, others may gain the awareness that what they are facing is indeed unmanageable. If your pain is reaching such great heights that you are ready to take your newfound awareness and accept that you need help, there's hope for you. You don't have to go through the unknowns of your future alone.
Once I started my program, I realized I am far from alone in my pain. Fellowship is among the greatest gifts of recovery. For more information, visit Overeaters Anonymous or find a recovery program for your particular affliction. There are groups for alcoholism, codependency and so many more. For a Christ-based recovery program, visit Celebrate Recovery.