We often fail to seek help until our desperation reaches unfathomable valleys. It is then, and only then, that we become ready to ask for help.
Because I let my desperation act as my motivation, I finally sought help with food addiction and compulsive eating (sugar being the main culprit).
I finally admitted I was powerless over food and the role it came to play in my life. When I wasn’t eating, I was thinking about what I would eat. When I ate, I feared that it would cause an averse reaction from food sensitivities. It was a total mind game. And I was losing.
Last November, I watched Elizabeth Gilbert’s SuperSoul talk, Flight of the Hummingbird. At the time, I had a well of passion burning in my heart that was not-so-patiently waiting to be unleashed with fury. These passions of mine were dying to live, yet I had no idea how to give them life. Liz’s words took that passionate drive within me and gave me the courage to curiously embark on my own flight.
Do you remember what was happening last September? Do you remember the last lunar eclipse? I know I do.
The powerful energy of today’s Full Moon eclipse settled into my bones this week causing me unease and discomfort. But as I grounded through my root chakra at yin yoga, I remembered how necessary grounding and gratitude is in our life.
The landscape back in September set me on a journey that delivered me to where I am now: on the brink of major change in my life. I couldn’t have known then what would unveil over the last six months, but the view I see now is extraordinarily beautiful yet unsettling at the same time. I am changing careers to follow my calling as a healer and spiritual coach.
I speak of faith often but faith and trust are synonymous; you can’t have faith without trust. I am at the point where my faith has led me to unforeseen and spectacular heights that now require extreme amounts of trust to act on.
The wonderful thing is once you start practicing faith daily, your capacity to believe in greatness and miracles exponentially increases. When it comes time to say yes to the life you aspire to live, it becomes so much easier to trust in yourself, in your dreams, and in a higher power with faith in your pocket.
This is who I am inside
This is who I am, I’m not going to hide
Cause the greatest risk we’ll ever take is by far
To stand in the light and be seen as we are
So stand in the light and be seen as we are
With courage and kindness hold onto your faith
You get what you give and its never too late
To reach for the branch and
climb up leaving sadness behind
Fight hard for love
We can never give enough
At the tail end of one of the most tumultuous times I have experienced in my journey of spiritual awakening, on the cusp of change in every major area of my life: relationships, career, and home, I ventured on a walk with my dog (as I do every Saturday). This Saturday was like any other except it felt completely different. My life is rumbling with so much movement that I have felt like I stepped onto a rollercoaster ride that simply would not stop.
Although I have surrendered to the change and granted it permission to work through me to create the life I dream of, I have yet to learn how to keep my cool when shit hits the fan. And trust me, it’s blowing all around me, sending me in fifteen directions at once.
I cannot quite believe that 2015 is nearing an end. If Christmas was not right around the corner, you could say I would be fooled. But, if I go by my feeling, I can say without a shadow of doubt that the year is coming to a beautiful close. What started out as the hardest year of my life, has blossomed in a way that has left me in constant awe of what is possible.
Today is the new Moon, a day that now carries significant meaning in my life. The number 11 is a special gateway into magical happenings and new energy, and it’s no coincidence that it always falls around the new Moon. New Moons represent new beginnings, a fresh start each month, and paired with 11 (which also represents new beginnings) brings an extra special time to not only reflect on how far I’ve come, but where I want to go. I take the time to notice how I feel, if I am centered and prepared to step into the fresh month with loving intentions.
As I ponder how I feel in this moment, I notice my heart is starting to expand in a way it never has before. I feel all kinds of amazing energy and the vastness in this space is truly awe-inspiring. God’s love just knocks me over with such power and I’m so grateful to be in this place. Somehow, along the way, I pushed past the last few barriers I was facing, and I allowed all of this energy to rush in, ready to move me forward into the life I feel is imminent.
I didn’t know it was possible to be this happy, accepting and open to life exactly as it is. I didn’t know it was possible to love this much and to allow gratitude to permeate all aspects of my life. I don’t know what I did to deserve the best life of my life, although I do know I put in the work; I made mistakes and I learned to really love myself (and others by proxy) just as I am. I am far from perfect, but I am perfect in all the ways God has blessed me. If I can spend the rest of my life feeling this expansive and loving while spreading my light and love, then I will have truly come here for the right reasons.
I believe if you put in the work with endless determination, practice undying faith and keep your heart directed toward love, the path leads you to places unforeseen, full of wonder, beauty and light. I am still the same person when I look in the mirror, but the soul looking back at me is shining in all its splendor. The dull, lifeless person that once stood in the mirror, unrecognizable, has vanished.
The light I have gathered in my being will prevent me from ever looking at the person I see in the mirror without responding with an assured I love you. You are whole. You are beautiful. If I could have lunch with the me I was last January, this is what I would say:
It gets better. Yes, it sucks right now and your world may seem as if it has fallen apart; it may feel as though the journey forward is impossible. Do not fear the light inside of you. If you dig deep and sit patiently with every feeling in your weary heart, I promise it gets better. It gets so much better.
There is a place inside you that no one can take, that no person can fully extinguish. They may try to squander your light, but your soul knows who you are and it knows the way. This place still holds a vast expanse of potential to love. Simply, yet boldly, set your fears aside; it’s what got you in this messy predicament and it’s what will keep you from finding the escape route, too.
Choose the path to love. Make the impossible choice, the road less traveled. Tip toe if you must, but take the step. You will find if you enlist your curious heart that you have the capacity to love and live like never before.
Look back only to learn from your mistakes, not to dwell in your misery. You won’t find what you’re looking for if you can’t see the blessing in the present moment. Determine why you took each misstep on the way toward your fear-ridden, downward spiral.
God intends to teach us lessons, and if we look at our past, we will see He simply needed us to choose love. We have to choose love every single time.
Take a chance to live fully, to love wholeheartedly and to travel to the depths of your soul. Your essence is the key to who you are; not who you thought you wanted to be, or who you were trying to be or even who someone else wanted you to be. Who were you before you tried to please others by fitting your heart into a square peg? You aren’t a square; you are an infinite heart. You don’t need to try to fit in when you’re meant to fly.
Stand up. Reach out. Laugh until you cry. Dance it out. Travel to the corners of the Earth if you must. Sit with a friend who reminds you of who you truly are. Sit with yourself in quiet solitude. You will find answers in the silence. Pray, a lot. Get to know yourself, again. Discover how brave you can be if you know falling may happen, because you will learn how to rise. Explore the weightlessness that comes out of your expansive soul. Leap and see how far your heart will take you.
Then, darling, soar with the wings you will grow. Don’t look back, and don’t look forward. Find the peace in this moment. Feel the love radiating from your heart. Send gratitude for the beautiful soul that your body inhabits. And know you can be who you always wanted to be.
You are safe. You are loved.
This is what I would tell my old self. The me today is fearless, not in a way that I am certain of everything in my life, but I am certain my faith will see me through. Maybe that is why we fall in the first place, so we can learn to fly.
The blessings of the past 10 days (and year) have put me in an unshakable state of gratitude. If you ask anyone close to me, they’d tell you how lost and unlike myself I felt this time last year. And I’d agree with them. I was constantly sick, working a job I hated, and in an unhealthy relationship (months away from our wedding). By January, I was unemployed, heartbroken and left to pick up the pieces. I have my loyal family and friends to thank for helping me wake up to my own life and not only cherish it, but grow into the resilient person I am today (even if I didn’t always believe in myself).
Life has a funny way of working out. Sometimes you have to head down the absolute wrong path to learn what the right one is. I learned to laugh and cry and brave my way through this year. And I have incredibly strong influences who continue to touch my heart deeply.
I am blessed to say I am the happiest I have ever been, not because I have a perfect life or the perfect relationship; my life is far from perfect and I am happily single. The reason for this is I make the best of everything.
If you don’t love the person you are or who you’re becoming, change your perspective because it will change your life. Choose to become the best version of yourself.
Develop a Resilient Spirit
I found practicing gratitude goes a long way; so does resiliency. I had the privilege of stumbling upon Cheryl Richardson’s podcast on resiliency featuring Dr. Joan Borysenko. I discovered you must adopt the ability to adjust your sails while realistically approaching necessary changes.
Dr. Borysenko refers to this attitude as faith: the willingness to be present to reality moment by moment as it evolves. My personal perspective encompasses a strong faith in a higher power (knowing if I take each step, I’ll be guided to where I need to be). But this mentality only works if you take initiative to move forward based on what you can realistically achieve today.
Aside from realism and faith, Joan’s keys to resiliency are:
the ability to be creative/improvisational (the capacity to make something out of nothing)
a sense of humor
These gifts all have one major component in common (and not just because they were my combined saving grace). The keys to resiliency keep you grounded in the present rather than prisoner to your past mistakes, regret or heartbreak.
Dr. Borysenko goes on to share the last key to the equation in the wake of change: to keep the best kind of company you have—people who believe in your potential while refusing to let you forget why you’re walking this new path.
And possibly more key than this is creating a new network that supports where you’re going. These fresh souls will only know the you that you are working to become, and they will reinforce the blessings of charting your new course. Developing a “soul tribe” is vital for fostering your best self.
We cannot control the outcome of certain situations in life, but we are given the opportunity to choose how we react; we can either succumb to our failures and shortcomings or rise with a resilient spirit to create a life we can proudly embrace.
I hope you choose faith, but most of all, I pray your open heart leads you to the most magical of places.
To listen to the entire Podcast with Dr. Borysenko on “Developing Resiliency During Change,” download it on iTunes.
I am blessed to be on a journey that I feel needs to be shared; not only have I tapped into the writer and poet I am, but most importantly, my heart has reached a level of openness and consciousness that I feel elevates my writing from words on a page to messages from my God-self, an unlimited soul and whole heart.