Nearly two years ago, I sat at my desk to watch an intro to Kabbalah video. I didn’t know it at the time, but this message would change my life, catapulting me toward the path of soul transformation. I knew very little about Kabbalah at the time; my life was unrecognizable after the perfect trifecta of disaster exploded in the same month: January 2015. My grandfather died, my fiance and I split up and my sister was diagnosed with brain cancer.
During my sister’s surgery, an earth angel sent me affirmations from the infamous Kabbalah Centre in LA. These words struck a chord in my soul—the one that was slowly resurrecting from a painful death—and began to plant new seeds of hope in my broken heart.
I recently returned to the notes I took during the Kabbalah video to gain some perspective on my soul-awakening journey. I desperately sought purpose in my life during that upheaval of existence; Kaballah made sense out of my darkest pain and flaws. I was always meant to seek complete soul transformation; God knew this all along. I was sent exactly what I needed in order to be uncomfortable enough to live my soul’s purpose.
I had to become so uncomfortable with a life far beyond my authentic soul that I would break open to my true path—one defined by an open heart and radiant spirit. I had to grow so weary from pretending to accept an ordinary, materialistic life when I knew I was meant for the extraordinary.
I discovered that I had to reclaim the light I lost while trying to please my Ego over my soul; I had lost my soul by attempting to gain love and acceptance outside of myself and God, and by staying in a relationship that didn’t allow for soul expression or expansion. I saw that the flaws which led me to seek acceptance and love were the very flaws God intended to set free by filling my heart with a self love and spirituality that could define me by love’s standards instead of someone else’s.
I faced my need to control after my perfectionistic tendencies held onto fearful reigns that prevented me from allowing God’s Divine plan to intervene in my life. And I faced my codependency—the prison that kept me in relationships that didn’t serve my highest good. I gathered the lessons derived from one wrong turn after another, and made a commitment to rise past my fears in order to live freely in love.
Kabbalah teaches that when we acknowledge our flaws (aka fears) and work to transform them, we awaken to our potential, living a more open, aware and loving life. This life allows the Universe to start delivering miracles; we will no longer have to seek them.
I am now living in the realm of miracles; I can say with absolute confidence that the rearrangement of my life may have started out as unrecognizable, but God simply needed to move some pieces around. I am blessed with the space for my soul to soar to it’s highest purpose. And this is now my reality: infinite expression and expansion of my heart and soul.
I wrote this entry in my journal shortly after watching the video; it encompasses my feelings both then and now. When it came to my relationships, I could blame others until the day I die; Kabbalah taught me that the way to true transformation is accepting responsibility for the role I play in my life by working to shift fears and live through the totality of my soul’s light—the light we are all blessed with at birth by our Creator.
If I have learned one thing, it is we are sent to this Earth to grow. Grow in our capacity for love, kindness, forgiveness, compassion, awareness and tolerance. Everyone is fighting their way up stream, so we must put our Ego aside and go with the flow of the blessed life we are given.
Our greatest transformations are born out of our deepest pain and suffering. How could we ever seek a different way without dire discomfort? Today, I look back at my darkest times and fully recognize their role in my life purpose. And I understand that by surrendering and battling with the dark nights of my soul, I awoke a power within me that saw me through from transformation to triumph. I never had a chance until I felt the pain, realized the way fear ruled my life and worked to shift the patterns that showed up over and over.
Life will continue to trigger our fears until we acknowledge them; pain, suffering, emotion—it all wants to be recognized and released so we create space for what truly wants to live: our unconquerable soul. And for us to desire this soul transformation, we inevitably need to come from a place of pain and lack.
This isn’t because God intends for us to suffer; quite the opposite is actually true. God wants us to have everything we desire in life, but He knows we have to take a few steps backward before we are capable of courageously marching ahead toward the life waiting for us.
According to Kabbalah, our birth is based on the concept that all the joys for our lives are waiting for us to unlock them; we must first earn these joys and the light they shine on our existence. Challenges are presented throughout our life as tests; we either succeed in choosing the higher path of love or we circle back for another chance to learn the lesson needed to break free from fearful patterns. Situations will continue to present themselves until we have learned the lesson; we have to learn lessons through experience. The Universe has our back fully, and so by sending us more of what we don’t want, we will hopefully choose to overcome these challenges.
The way to transform and prevent negative situations from showing up again is to take complete responsibility for the unique flaws (fears) in us. Chances are we aren’t even aware of these flaws, yet they are creating our reality through our choices. The intention behind Kabbalah is for us to find our flaws and transform them. Situations arrive as signs from the Universe; we are given exactly what is needed to finally break free from our fear so long as we’re willing to look to ourselves.
If we continue to push these opportunities of transformation away by blaming others, refusing forgiveness and avoiding the lack within our souls, we have pushed away God’s very blessings; we have disowned the light within that seeks expression. Once we graduate from these situations by learning the lesson presented to us, doors begin to open and miracles become a part of our daily existence. God want us to have everything we desire including joy, happiness, health, prosperity and success.
This is how God delivers miracles: doors open, people show up, opportunity presents itself and suddenly the path to our soul’s purpose is paved right before our eyes. My life is testament to the miracles promised when we create space for our soul to shine; I am blessed with everything I desire and more. And I will tell you that it looks nothing like the life I lived in fear. That is truly because the purpose of our life is to overcome that very fear and the flawed perspectives and actions that come as a result.
Living in the light of our soul creates something more beautiful than we can ever imagine; our potential for everything we desire is limitless when life is lived rather than feared. Trust that there is a grander plan laid out for our lives; surrender to the possibility that sits squarely on the other side of the life we struggle to make sense of. And patiently wait to make space for the soul to get in the driver seat.
Everything we desire is waiting for us, right after we sit with the pain, feel the way it limits our potential, and release what is keeping us prisoner to our best life. The time has come to reclaim our light.