Desperation is Our Motivation

We often fail to seek help until our desperation reaches unfathomable valleys. It is then, and only then, that we become ready to ask for help.

Because I let my desperation act as my motivation, I finally sought help with food addiction and compulsive eating (sugar being the main culprit).

I finally admitted I was powerless over food and the role it came to play in my life. When I wasn’t eating, I was thinking about what I would eat. When I ate, I feared that it would cause an averse reaction from food sensitivities. It was a total mind game. And I was losing.

It took me a long time to admit I was numbing my feelings with food, but my complete honesty and desperation saved me from slipping further into oblivion. All those years of overeating and sugar addiction were plagued by low self-worth bordering on self-hatred which prevented me from treating my body and spirit with respect. And those uncomfortable and insidious feelings led me to food.

Without food to mask my feelings, I am now facing the true root of my unhealthy habits. I realized I feel absolutely out of control more often than I’d like to admit. I was attempting to control my life, my relationships, my career and my health without ever giving my problems to God and accepting that ultimately I do not have full control over external circumstances. I can only control my inner world (spirit), my actions and surrender the rest to God. Surrendering my addiction to God has been my saving grace for it has transformed my life in a matter of weeks.

I am beyond grateful for the opportunity to take back my life, and pour the energy I used to waste on food into more beneficial activities. Recovery is a daily act of surrender, but I am feeling more empowered, free and energized each step of the way.

I have cut out processed sugar (I eat fruit in moderation) for the past few weeks, and I have never felt clearer or freer in mind, body and spirit. Feeling my emotions during a difficult transition and heart-wrenching loss in my life is not easy, but I’m dealing with my feelings now rather than numbing out the pain. My skin (rashes and cystic acne) has also cleared up as a result of getting off sugar.

The benefits of recovery are endless, but the bottom line is we can only avoid our pain for so long. And I attempted to avoid it by binging on food when life felt too overwhelming to deal.

We have to feel in order to deal; we must feel the feelings and emotions as they run through us in order to deal with them. If we don’t deal, we won’t heal. Emotions that are unable to move through a release take up residence in our bodies and cause enough havoc until we finally choose to deal. Otherwise, we will stay stuck in a cycle that impedes our happiness, growth, joy, health and vitality.

Suffering plays a vital role in our lives. Without it, we’d never know true joy. We wouldn’t learn the lessons we are meant to discover. And without lessons, we won’t grow. There is purpose in suffering for those who face it. Facing pain leads to endurance which builds character and resilience.

It is up to us to turn toward what we are attempting to cover up with whatever form of avoidance we choose. Only then can we let our desperation motivate us to seek help.

I am here to shout from the peaks that come from suffering through the valleys: there is joy, peace, freedom and happiness where only suffering once existed. It lies in our hands. Will we surrender or we will hold onto control?

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